at everything!

right now im irritated because my brother

went up stairs with the god damn tv on.

no one is watching the god damn tv you idiot?!

i wish i was in my room at dada's.

i wish i was there.

i dont know why i have to choose my mom or dad.

i dont know why my mom wants me to choose

and i dont know why children needs too choose.

i dont wanna choose again.

not again.

its stupid.

i just dont wanna break our relationships as a family.

as a father and daughter.

as a mother and daughter.

am i wrong?

or am i thinking too self-centered?

im thinking about this stupid problem everyday.

but i cant find any answer.

its too difficult.

maybe im still a child.

okay

i need to stop thinking about this stupid thing.

it makes me more irritated!

by the way i lost maybe 2 kg from may.

4 months , only 2 kg.

ha-ha-ha really really funny

i need to lose 3 kg befor october.

im going to!

i know its no use crying over spilled milk.

but this time i will make him cry over spilled milk!!

YOU'LL SEE Mr.PERFICT!!!!!!!!!!

i cant stop sneezing!!

yesterday my oba-chan had a spasm.

and she screamed and i was reaaaaally scared at that sight.

after she calm down we went to the hospital and

the docter said she needed to be hospitalized.

so she is now in the hospital.

hope she will get well.

these days i've been tring not to think about that day.

maybe 2 weeks have passed.

in this 2 weeks made me realized that i have a wonderful friends.

the day i started suffering from a broken heart,lol

i mailed my friend that i just got turned down.

then about 30 seconds later she called me and

i talked about what happend and

i really wasnt that sad after i was turned down

but when i started explaning about what happended,

it made me realize that everything had finished.

and it made my tears welled up in my eyes.

and my friend told me that i really did a good job

and just cry when i want to.

yap, i cried and cried and cried.

my other friends called me and

they made me cry again!

they made me smile.

i think it will take a lot of time to get over

but i think i can.

cause i have a lot of wonderful friends!!!

love you all!!!!

okay

i wanted to write more things

but i forgot what i wanted to.

maybe ill write this again later.

tomorrow im going back to dada's house.

cant wait to see kimi!!

went to the airport to see off mari.

we got to the airport at 4 and meet ken there.

mari did her checkin thing and

after that, there was 1 hour left so we went to eat

at the food court.

during the meal, i tried not to think that

there was only 1 hour left before she goes.

and time passed quickly.

it was already 4:55 and mari had to go.

infront of the gate, i couldnt hold my tears.

nobody was crying but when i started crying,

mari cried. and dada cried too.

i was supprised at that sight cause

i never had seen his tears.

and of course,it made me cry more.

we hugged and said goodbye and mari left.

we got home around 8 and

when i steped into my room,

i felt the room was so huge and very quiet.

and water came up from my eyes and my nose..lol

there were bunch of mari's clothes in the clothet,

bunch of shoes in the genkan,

bunck of things that mari had in my room.

but there were all gone so

it felt kinda wired and sad.

still it does too.

so i dont think i can stay in my room for

more than 5 minutes or so.

otherwise ill start crying.:p

now im in the living room and typing this blog thing.

ana is here too.

ken was here too but he ran in to his room.

dada is now trying to put kimi asleep.

when i came back from the airport,

and got into my room,

i was so happy that kimi came into my room and

made a big smilely face.

but couldnt stop

crying when i saw her smile.

i felt kinda sorry for kimi cause

im sure that she liked mari and i think

she was looking for her when she came into my room.

i hope i can get to sleep tonight.

i really miss you puta!

hope i really can see her in the winter.

so i gatta try to save money for the trip.

damn.

みんなにあいたい。

寂しいよ～

it sucks.

i really had a great time with my sister.

and i hope she did too.

but i feel kind a sorry for her.

i sometimes got irritated and im sure i made her feel bad.

but that's my mom's fault!!!!!!!!

i was pist off when everytime she compared us.

One mounth seems kinda long but

it was tooo short!

Mari is already 23 and she is an adult.

she changed a little bit than 2 years ago but im glad that she could do

stupid things that we used to do when we were more young!

im sure that ill miss her baaad.

and it really sucks the fact that we live in a different countries.

but sometimes i think that if we lived in the same country,

same house, and face eachother everyday,

i would not be albe to know how much she gives an influence

to my life. and i think we would be fighting everyday

like i do with Ken now if we did lived together. lol

So in that point, maybe it is a good thing that

we dont live together.

maybe..

but it sucks.

today, we will leave the house around 1

and go to the airport by car.

i think we will get there around 3 or 4.

and meet Ken there.

Her flight is 6.

i hate the 1 or 2 hours after her check in and

before her flight.

cause you know, its very hard not to cry and

knowing that she will leave in 1 or 2 hours and

trying not to cry, trying to laugh, trying to hide our feelings...

VERY painful.

well anyway.

i have to hop in the shawer and get ready!

はじめてしまいました

うえいっ

昨日はうちでＰＡＲＴＹだたよ

楽しかったな～

えりかなみちゃんもきてくれて

楽しかったです！

えりかはおとまりして、夜中３時くらいまで

かたったね～

夜はやばい！笑

そして切ない！

今日はえりかと立川でお買い物

５時くらいにばあ～い

明日から気をつけていってらっしゃい。

楽しんできてねえ！

あと６日でまりが帰るよおう

なんか切なくなってきます。

まりがきて２週間目くらいに

やっぱり家族とかにまりといつも

比べられてて、

あんたもまりみたいに、とか

まりはこうなのに、なんであんたは？

みたいにさっ

比べられんの大嫌い

だから、なんかまりにもあたっちゃってたな

ごめんなさい。

やばい～

自分別れに人一倍弱いです。

すでになきそうです。

１ヶ月て本当あっという間なんだね、

はやすぎる！

あとの６日間、楽しんで

たくさん写真とって

ばかやって

土曜日は笑顔でばいばいできるように

しなきゃねっ