Not that anyone cares where I've been :/ :D

But just as an update I was in Paris during 2013/14 and it was an amazing experience.

Loads of fun with loads of terrific people.

Now..

I'm back to the gloomy UK again.

Seems like I only do post when I'm here and just basically not feeling that great. :p

It's a super busy period for me at this moment what's with the dissertation..essays..exams..French..and what's not.

Therefore I've a massive feeling ill be back here writing a lot more.

Simply because I need an outlet...yet again!

Brilliant just brilliant.

This place is nothing except for my bundle of sunshine. *note the sarcasm* :DDDD

Xoxo

Flora

P.S. I've been really into skincare, makeup and fashion recently, you know all the girly stuff. Kind of a late bloomer in this field..I first touched an eyeliner in Paris. This just goes to show how late I am but I choose to think I'm pretty good at the skincare and foundation (base makeup - foundations likeI said, blusher, bronzer, contouring, highlight). If anyone's interested let me know. Only because I feel like it's such a shame not to share such amazing and life changing beauty products! It s getting way too long now haha anyways just give me a shout, I don't bite☺️

It came with a card which says 'Change is never easy. Fight to hold on and fight tolet go.'. Anyways it's my first bouquet. Soupon receiving it at the door yesterday morning...I was having mixed feelings. But those feelings quickly went out of the window just because the flowers look absolutely bewitching.

All I'm thinking now, is to simply admire the florist's efforts and appreciate les fleurs. 

Xoxo

Flora

Well, I personally haven't met a chocolate that I don't like, yet I've met many people whose existence I'm not very excited about. So that pretty much explains about everything really. Maybe I should try inventing a machine to turn everyone into chocolate! That'd be such a brilliant idea! My very first step in taking over the world! Mwahahah!!! *evil grin*

&&&&&& which flavour and what kind of choc would YOU like to be or think would suit you best?

xoxo

Flora

Well I experienced this phenomenon just yesterday night. I wouldn't get ahead of myself by thinking 'ohh I know the person 100%' but I've gotta say, I do know them well enough most of the time. And like most people I judges...but I also accepts.

It really had been awhile since I've been to a club and that was only because a guest deejay (Benni Benassi, know the dude?) was playing for the night. I fully intended to enjoy the evening despite any animosity. Then again, life always doesn't go as what we planned.

Early into the night...I had a feeling I was being kept out of the loop. For many. Many. Many things. But that's the thing about me as well I guess. I don't try to be a part of their life anymore than I feel I should.I may have tried once...or twice...then I just stop trying. Any sane person with half a brain would agree with me on this. Receiving rejection isn't the best feeling on earth.

Oh don't get me wrong. I don't mind being excluded by them. I even feel that it is perfectly normal to do so. I mean I just hung out with them for this one night, so it's really not a problem though they're my best friends. However, my social circle is not limited to them. That's why I'm not doing anything about it.

Okay! I'm getting off topic here. Like I said, it's really not an issue for them to behave like I'm invisible while they whispered ear to ear. I'm more hurt by the fact...that they feel the need to explain and justify their behaviour under the influence of drugs. Like trying to keep the happy bubble floating instead of letting it explode in my face making me realise it's not sugary syrup in the bubble, it's shit.

No matters how and what my friends have done or a person they are. True, I judges and I'm not afraid to speak my mind even if it is rude. Because I know myself...I can accept them the way they are and I don't talk shit about them to others or anyone. It just hurts now to know that they didn't respect me for me. Their actions speak louder than words. It hurts to know they are trying to keep up with the appearance by saying pleasantries. 

Comon I'm a girl too, and I'm not a saint. It's just a woman nature to do certain things. Some things just require a little bit of thinking to grasp the situation. Sometimes I wish my understanding for these things aren't so abnormally high. I honestly can't be bothered with how the rest of the world look at me. But those who matters, their opinions would matter. Family and close friends...should respect and accept, no?

Xoxo

Flora

P.S. you don't need a certain amount of friends, you just need friends you can be certain of.

Unfortunately, it isn't the same for the good guy. The world will diss him the moment he did something remotely wrong. It is such an unfair world honestly...so food for thought. Does this mean that it's better to be a bad guy?

While everyone wants perfection. A fantasy. But can everyone handle the stress of being perfect or facing perfection everyday? I, for the matter of fact, want a perfect boyfriend. And I'm not going to lie...but I think I may crack under the pressure to the need to always be perfect.

Xoxo

Flora

The breakup was to be really honest...notpainful. Yes it was degrading...yes my pride was hurt, and yes it was anything but painful. Just only yesterday it came to mymind that maybe, the fact I got dumped is a blessing in disguise! Like yes!!! He dumped me! Okay so I sound semi insane for saying that but seriously...that prick is...! I'm not even going to be bothered wastingmy breath on him.

This is all for today. Feeling quite spent for some reason. Hahahah though I didn't do much the whole day. But what can I do...I'm an ultra lazy bum and I'm happy being one. :D 

Xoxo

Flora

It's just that now...I'm afraid of myself more. I don't want to do anything wrong or socially unacceptable. I've such strong values and being traditional in this case actually helps...because then, I've higher self control to not act out and give in to other qualms. I've those to keep me behind the line and not cross it. However, I feel therewill come a time when I couldn't stop myself and couldn't help it anymore that I'd probably seek to cross the damn line. That's when things will really get messy. Reallywouldn't want that to happen.

My...what should I do? I think I'm in love...but not with him. Gawd I'm already sounding like uhh I don't know...a jerk? Perhaps I just can't find the courage to end things. I think that I wouldn't be able to find asuccessful relationship after this. I'm scared of failures. And being a failure. That's why I'm holding on? Don't understand myself. While I'm holding on...I'm making myself unavailable and letting the rest of the male population pass me by. Does it worth it? I don't know. Since I can't see a future with him, I don't think it's worth. Maybe I should be one to end things. I mean why waste time...I can look for someone who give me butterflies and generous enough to love me wholeheartedly and dote on me with his one true heart. Rather than...this blah feeling.

I'm messed up. Fucked up even. I've so many issues going on with me that my lifeis spiralling down splendidly. This, I've noone but myself to blame. I lost sight of mypriorities, I forgot who I was and I worriedthe people around me. All this over a relationship that has no future. So fucking not worth it! I seriously have to pick myself upbig time. I neglected school work and skipped school like there's no tomorrow because I was wallowing in self pity and self hating. Can't believe I actually allowed this to happen...over love. Honestly, jokes. And I used to say what the fuck is love, can I eat that shit? Gawd, I miss myself. I miss the cynical Flora. I wonder if she will ever come back?

Now, playing catch up with school is going to be a serious pain in the arse. Yet I'm motivated to do it! Alright, not exactly...I'm not looking forward to it at all. Then again, it's something I must do. Something that I would regret if I didn't do! So I really need a better sense of time management and finding myself back. First of all, I must find a way to fucking JUST SLEEP! 

But I've so much to do!!!! Meeting my dpd to talk about my attendance and personal issues later is frankly quite nerve wrecking. I'm scared and I misses home. I want to shout 'Fuck UK' and fuck back to Singapore. But I'd be a quitter if I did that. I miss my mummy. I miss my friends. This relationship I have sort of made me believed that I'm a letdown, and lousy person. Someone who doesn't deserve love and care. For Jesus' sake! I couldn't be more wrong! I've dear friends who love me...my mummy who gives me unconditional love...what else do I need actually??? SLEEP! I need sleep!

Why the hell am I so miserable? Fucking doesn't understand. Oh well, no point thinking so much over it if I can't solve it. Feellike I'm walking in a maze. Once I got out of the maze, I tend to walk right back in to another maze. Seriously.what.the.fuck.Heehee feel better to type my whole shit out. Probably will keep up with this whole'if I can't sleep, I'm going to fucking write till I drop' attitude. Instead of being self absorbed and talk to my friends, I'm just going to ramble on and on and on until I'm satisfied. Ohhh goody, think I just found my relief outlet. :D