https://ameblo.jp/jegettyn/ 大学生でバイ(prefer ladies)です。独身貴族です。宜しくお願いします。 ja よく「彼氏or彼女欲しいー！」って言う人は、恋人ができたらその人は自分のすべてを理解して受け入れてくれるなんて勝手な幻想を抱いてる人が多いけど(男に多い気がするのは気のせい、、、？)、やっぱり他人と付き合うって大変なこと。エネルギーも根気も寛容性も色々試される。

話は少し変わって、私は何故か上記の勘違い男に好かれてつきまとわれることが少なからずある。私のこと何も知らないくせに付き合ってくれーとか、愛してるーとか言う人は鬱陶しいとしか思わないのだけれど。
実はここ数ヶ月またその類の男につきまとわれてて、学校の同じクラスで席わざわざ離れても隣に移動してくるし、ああうざい。私は割と近寄るなオーラを出して無視するのが得意なのに気づいてないふりしてるのか本当の馬鹿なのか永遠に話しかけてくる。私は友達と喋ってるのに！授業中なのに！もうっ！！！
何より許せないのが、ボディータッチ。抱きついてくるのが本当に不快。アメリカ数年住んでたとか言い訳なると思っているのか。
私は嫌なことは嫌とはっきりいうタイプだから、日本語でも英語でも。やめて、今友達と喋ってるの。触らないで
Don't disturb me! I'm not interested in you at all. just stop stalking me. you are disgusting. て言ってるのに、止まらないんだな。

もうセメスターの最後の方嫌すぎて友達に体調悪い？って心配された。
こんな時、I'm gay! って叫びたくなる。you have picked a wrong girl!!!なのよ。
大学の友達はゲイという存在に慣れてるし引いたりしないってわかってるのに、言えない。こんなとこでチキンなんて。このままじゃ一生彼女なんてできないかも。
でもね、誰彼構わず愛してるだの、付き合おうだの言う弱い人にはならないの。それだったら、一生彼女できない負け犬のがまし。傷口舐め合うようなキモい恋愛なんて願い下げだわ。

この人の支えになりたい。もっと知りたい、一緒にいたいと思える人じゃなきゃ付き合いたいなんて思えない。

だから、彼女できないなんて言わないでー笑 ]]> https://ameblo.jp/jegettyn/entry-11586484329.html Sun, 04 Aug 2013 23:18:23 +0900 Sunlight's killing me. so sweaty.

I'm in a train, bored, so I'm gonna write this to kill time.
My college has a few gays. It's first time to have friends who isn't in the closet. They are so open. Maybe that's because they'd been overseas. They look proud of themselves. A bit jealous. My? I wanna let every person knows who I really am, but it isn't easy for some reason... I don't know.
Yesterday, I brought the topics of LGBT in our conversation, but I regret it now. it was so awkward, boy! My mom seemed that she even deflected that topics intentionally. I was.. I was at loss. Whenever I try to talk about these topics, the results are terrible. I hate my life. Do I want to be accepted? Do I want too much? Am I too sentimental or naive?
I don't know, but what I know is I should not hope so much. I won't let others in. I won't let myself rely on others. ]]> https://ameblo.jp/jegettyn/entry-11525631774.html Tue, 07 May 2013 07:27:31 +0900 I like females in a way as males do. I used to a straight I guess, since I had favorite actors, had a boyfriend. Thus, I am a bisexual, right? hmm, I'm not sure of it now. Like I used to be sure of my objects of love... boys. Or I just didn't know otherwise. Now I rarely find myself staring at the opposite sex, nor does my heart beating for male. what is it supposed to? I don't know. Let me just say, I prefer girls to boys. ]]> https://ameblo.jp/jegettyn/entry-11524696345.html Sun, 05 May 2013 21:43:06 +0900 It started with some surprises. First, my English class changed. I used to belong a class which is considered the second level out of sixth classes.
Now I'm in the top class, the members, most members have experiences of studying abroad already or from an international school. Oh boy! They speack freaking fluent English. It's actually good to have friends like them. I can learn real, natural English not like KUMON. (I don't intend to offense KUMON though.)
So yeah, I'm glad that I could make a way to the class, and less worried if I could fit in the class.
I believe myself! I know I can do it hon xD
Let me enjoy new life! ]]> https://ameblo.jp/jegettyn/entry-11512140977.html Mon, 15 Apr 2013 22:31:58 +0900 Alright. the school began. Now I'm a second year student. I'll review what I've done so far, the good things and bad ones.
First, the worst thing I did last year is that I failed a class called "Introduction Economics". Shame.
the feeling of failure almost made me quit the college. I was so ashamed and angry at the time. However, the good point of the failure is, it had me think about what I ought to do. Thanks to it, I studied harder on Micro Economics than I did on other classes. I knew if I failed any other class, I wouldn't have opportunity of studying abroad. Plus, the danger of failing class was always connected to Economics! The fact made me serious. As a result, my marks were all good generally.No failing. No credits under 80. Yeah I made it! the fall semester was better.

]]> https://ameblo.jp/jegettyn/entry-11511945224.html Mon, 15 Apr 2013 17:36:59 +0900 for improvement

Lacking, or weak abilities
1. English (speaking, listening, writing, and reading)
2. Writing (vocabulary & summarize)
3. network (ESP. for business)
4. reading comprehension and analyzing
5. self-control and time managing

]]> https://ameblo.jp/jegettyn/entry-11387647830.html Wed, 24 Oct 2012 18:54:52 +0900 I finally realize that
"Now, I'm learning to fly. "
I don't know why I've forgotten about this. Yes I decided to go to a college to learn to FLY.

I gladly endure a life here even though it's kind of hard. Because it was me to choose this way.
the magical way to accept your action and result, no matter they are good or bad, to talk to yourself "you are the cause!",
]]> https://ameblo.jp/jegettyn/entry-11379419579.html Sun, 14 Oct 2012 16:38:19 +0900 Yesterday, I was kind of surfing the net for my part of identity as "bisexual" .
And I was lucky enough to find a nice blog.
What I was impressed most is following:
When you did something stupid, what you should consider is

NOT “What was I thinking?”

BUT “What was I learning?”

Therefore the answer is naturally
"everything"

Well, it's not connected directly with LGBT, but I realized that I surf others blog because I'm interested in not only their actions as minority but also their ways of thinking, personality, or character (which are basis of their action off course).
after all, I'm not so eager to see just someone's report of activity.
I wanna know it with real feelings. ]]> https://ameblo.jp/jegettyn/entry-11379377279.html Sun, 14 Oct 2012 15:30:05 +0900 I found that people tend to forget their kind of feelings, such as frustration, chagrin, vexation. Well, you may think that you don't... but are you really sure that you can remember your bitterness as exactly as it was at the very moment?
On the other hand, they never forget how embraced they were. Let's say you behaved quite rudely when you got drunk. this incident will keep you become red whenever you remember it.
it's a totally my opinion, it's just my cases maybe... but I think human's brain is eager to get rid of unfavorable feelings which is too stressful for he/ she. how clever it is! ]]> https://ameblo.jp/jegettyn/entry-11377388765.html Fri, 12 Oct 2012 00:18:31 +0900 To appreciate your environment which make you that way seems easy at first, but it is not alway the case.
Well, I think I'm fairly lucky. I own everyone around me it this sort of thoughts, feelings, from bottom of my heart. thank you very much.
these days, I feel that "This week is harder :(" but I'll feel the same thing in the next week. so that's somehow a symbol of my improvement, and effort.
It's nice to see my result of efforts in both clear and unclear way. the test is clear, you can understand easily both your good points and poor. Also you may be able to compare to your peers.
but there're a lot of things that you/ your teacher cannot measure in that way. many of them appear suddenly and you realize unexpectedly. it may be good one sometimes and can be bad one if you didn't what you should do.

Don't miss a chance, be prepared yourself to anything you want to do, always prick up your ears. UP UP! be active, don't hesitate!

and time will tell you in the future ( maybe tomorrow, or 50 years later :3) that you were not wrong!

]]> https://ameblo.jp/jegettyn/entry-11374547938.html Mon, 08 Oct 2012 18:46:55 +0900