I hate like this !!!!!!!!!!!!

just like u keep saying a ugly girl tthat she is so cute

this is a fucking hard feeling for her , ok ?

U love me, but u never know how to care me, expect buying me present !

i need u say sth to make me feel happy, not only present , ok ?

this night, i was doing my englidh homework.
suddenly, he asked me to help him with his maths.

I went out and helped.

I was so busy, but i also help him.

he talked to tyler and said, how was muse's face in taiwan?
how about bobo's face in taiwan?

oh, bobo so cute. in japan she also so fucking cute

if she really so cute , why u dont be couple with her ? i am so ugly ne !

i dont want to say anymore ! sometimes, i hate u

i also wanna be happy, but i cannot = =

yesterday i dated my bf to meet me after my class at 12; 30

after class, i need to stay and ask my teacher for some question,,,

Hence, i was late ab 5 minutes.

when i came out, i saw my bf...
when i saw him, i was so fucking happy at that moment.

but he just shouted at me "u are so late, i need to go to libary ,but i just waiting in here"
that momnet , i was so hurt ....

this is the first time he wait for me outside my classroom, i am really happy and proud of it
i really want to see him and so fucking happy to see him at that moment,

but finally, he just blame me !

how disappointed it was

be honest, i always wait for him and stay with him,,,
just like today, he wants to rent the calcalator, i just staied with him for almost 2 hours.

he just waited for 5 minutes, how come he can be so angry ?

i am not bad, seriously ....i dont need to stay with someboy who are so mean and inpolite to me!

suddenly, i think....................u dont know how to treasure me,,, u must lost me !

u are not worth to saty with such good gf !

when we came back to home, he seems so angry and told me : "dont touch me, seriously, dont touch me..".

this time, i feel so bad and i went back to room.! and try to find out what i did wrong

After that, he and tyler came to room and talked ab the appartment.

my bf seem so annoying ab the appartment, and I try to say sth to make him feel better.

I just said : "actyaully, u dont"

my bf said "u are so annoying"

that time, i want to cry, but i try to endure ! then, i went out and cried

he doesnt know , he doesnt know anything !

few minutes later, he came out and shouted at me " u always like this !!!!"

i didnt reply! i know everything i say must make him dislike, so, i rather to shut up

i went back to room and cried ...noone know !

i am thinking, am i really need to move out of here ?
live with him, really not happy

until now, i dont know what i did wrong and why he treats me like this ?

always like this, i cannot endure .

if i really did wrong, u can shout at me and u can blame me ,,,

but actually, what i did wrong ? why u treat me like this ?

looking forward for move out !i want to have my own space and i wish my lover can respect me

but my bf stayed with me for a couple months...he still cannot turst me

this time really want to seperate ! seriouly, i never regert !

i dont want to stay with someone that cannot turst me ! this is so horrible for me

howcome, , , everyone can think i tell lie and they dont need to turst me,

but my bf must turst me and support me,

he never turst me, and always said that : i cannot turst u anymore ...

do u know how hurt it was ?

i was totally lost ! i fucked up everything

today, it is the first time want to seperate with him,,,, and i dont wanna see him anymore
bcos , my lover cannot turst me ! i can endure his childish and naive, but i never endure he cannot turst me

totally disappointed with this relationship with him

yesterday i need to go to hospital and then have dinner with my fds...

my mum didnt go with me , so i dont hav phone,

although i cannot call him when i was outside, but i MSN when i came back to home immeditely...

actually, i really want to call him , tell him everything ...but i cannot

Then, he just angry ... and blame me dont care ab him

so hurt ...

do u know i make the photos until 3 ;00 and scarf until 5 :00 ?

how come i do not care u ?

if i really dont care ab him, everyday go out and hav fun with fds,
never call u , never think ab u , never do everything for u

then u said I dont care ab u , i can accept

but i really fucking care ab u , but u said like this....i am fucking hurt

nothing to say ! fucking hurt

Actually, I never tell him every my feelings

But I already decided to marry him and try my best to follow him in the future !

愛してる　君がいれば

未来のこと　何も見えなくても怖くない

we must be so happy in the future ! i believe him and myself ^^

I dont know why...but everytime i recall his sleeping face,

I feel so happy ! His sleeping face looks like pig . haha ..it is really cute

I will smile when I think ab his face everytime!

kekeke ...I thinkI am crazy ab him =]

18 we can see in US^ ^ of course i want to see him first !
but we cannot take the same car ><
i can endure la ^^ just few hours we can see la ...kekekeke =]

then , he seems so happy....

actually, i was so hurt ... u know my heart ? broken !

but i am not going to say ''why'' in here!

ok, if u feel happy, that's OK . i know baby and me will be ur bunder. so, no baby is a good news for u !

actually, i really love him so much ! seriously, he is everything for me !
but he doesnt know ! and he alwasy suspect my love ! !

i am a girl and i am weak. but i can become strong and tough bcos of his words ....
his words are so sensitive for me !

I sincerely hope that I can give him before snowing.

I hope he can get my love and be warm in this cold winter

I am really love him....


However, today he said something so hurt to me.

He said : ur presents are not care ab me !

Just few words, but it is so powerful for me !

Do u know how tired I made this scarf for u ?

Do u know how painful were my fingers?

I really paied my time, money and love to make this present to u ...But u jsut said : ur present dont care ab me ...


So hurt ! just cry... feel so hurt

actually, i can just pay money to buy a scarf to him. but i didnt . I think jsut pay money cannot show my love ! I think it must be so sweet if I make sth to him and he can wear everyday. But in his mind, my presents is not care him !

ur words deleted everything I did for u , my hardworking and my love

and finally, he just said : "I dont want to talk, byebye"

he never knows how serious I cired after he hang off the call

He never knows.

sicne he never read my blog !

When I came back to HK, I was not happy. Sometimes, I really wanna share my feelings to him, but I don’t know how to express. Although I tried my best to tell him, he cannot understand. Sometimes he understands, but his response is so cold.

For example, sometimes I shared some jokes with him. However, he cannot understand Chinese jokes and he didn’t laugh. That moment was so bad for me. His response made me become cold too.
We are couple, but we cannot understand each other’s feelings. How sad it was. We cannot communicate somehow.

I don’t know will he read my blog or did he ever read my blog. I dont care will he read or not. I just wanna express my feelings in here.

Before I took a test, and it showed that I had a baby. I was so scared at that moment. I was so helpless. I don’t know how to do. After I knew that I had BB, I just stayed at toilet and looked at my test for 5 minutes. That moment I was so confused. I got lost. There was nothing in my mind, besides scared. He never knows how helpless I was at that moment. HE never knows how many terrible things I faced in HK. He doesn’t know anything.

Be honestly, I considered ab this condition and I think I can birth our BB if my bf wants. Since that is our BB, I really don’t wanna kill him/her. I love my bf and I can do anything he wants even birth the baby. However, he rejected to birth our baby. He said “u need abortion.”

Do u know how hurt I was at that moment? I really think ab birth the BB bcos of him. But he never wanna has BB now. How stupid I was.

Do u know how terrible that abortion? It is so dangerous! It hurt the uterus so much. If i need , I just go to China alone and take abortion.

I am so so so sacred now..

and noone understnad me, even my bf


Tmr I will get my report from the doctor. I sincerely hope that I do not hav BB. If I hav BB; I really don’t want to kill him. That is our BB. Our baby!
Tmr I will get the report by myself. I am so scared and worry. But no one know how sacred I am. Nobody knows even my bf. I just endure and accept everything by myself.
Tmr is my nightmare. I think tonight I also cannot sleep well.