Kuraikoのブログ

Depression...again

Mon, 21 Jul 2014 21:18:35 +0900

I just want to write this because I maybe feel better after it.
I fell in a deep depression again...it sucks. The trigger was a nice pair
of trousers I ordered and they came in today. So, I tried them on and of course I was too fat for them, like always...
I really HATE my feminine body...those fat legs and broad hips/beck bone. I just wanna be thin, wanna be beautiful. All the girls at my school have nice body's and can wear whatever they want. I think that I'm the only person that's struggling so hard with their weight. WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE?! I cry every fucking day and I'm not even eating that much!!!
I'm such a small person but my weight is 60kg, my plan is it to lose 10kg. Then I'll be happy...but I don't see me in the end. Last week I already had 4kg off but now I gained 2kg. I hate it to see me in the mirror, seeing this ugly, chubby and wiggling body. Who wants this?!
When it's hot outside I always wear long trousers and try to cover the part of my body I hate so much...it doesn't help.
I ask me, why am I here? Why am I supposed to live? No one ever asked me for that! My life is full of problems and I can't remember the last day I was truly happy...either I'll lose a lot of weight or I'll soon kill myself.

Summer Vacation

Thu, 17 Jul 2014 04:37:09 +0900

I actually know that I'm only talking to me but it's fun to write down my thoughts.
Anyway, how the title says: I'm planning my summer vacation. I'm totally excited because the only country I went to was Croatia and I also stopped in Austria a few times.
This time my journey will go to England! ヾ(＠^▽^＠)ﾉ I can't wait to test my English, taste the food and meet new people.
But one of the best thing is that I'll go there without my parents. (^_-)☆
We are a teenager group and we don't know each other but I won't be alone, a friend of mine comes with me. But...even if she's with me I'm a bit afraid that the others won't like me because I'm different... ！(´Д｀；)

I should think about other things, for example that I'm still waiting for my clothes order. I'm kinda worried that my stuff won't come in before I head to England ∑(ﾟДﾟ)
Luckily I already got my super cool platform sneakers (*゜▽゜ノノ゛☆

My first entry...how exciting!

Sun, 29 Jun 2014 18:08:07 +0900

I wanted to start an Ameba blog months before but because I don't understand Japanese everything is really hard for me. I finally got the basics here and I hope I'll get used to all this stuff here.

I also need to think about my future entrys! What should I write about? Food? Makeup? My life? Music? That's a really hard and important question. Maybe I'll write about all those things.

Anyway, at first I must find out how to find other blogs >.< And all other functions...

I hope to be successful! o(；△；)o