https://ameblo.jp/miaow2814/ わたしの地味な命 ja 私のカメラが消ちゃった!
昨日私の友達が借りました...
もちろん貸してしまいました..
友達なんだから.
だけど先彼が電話した
カメラが消ちゃったって言われてました...
怒るわけじゃなくて
ただ残念な感じ
だってあれは私の大切なものだよ
まさか消ちゃったが思わない....
どうしよう?
お父さんに言えませんだよね...
結局私が泣きましただけ o(；△；)o

]]> https://ameblo.jp/miaow2814/entry-10439356727.html Thu, 21 Jan 2010 13:47:40 +0900 偶然だよ!∑(ﾟДﾟ)
もう何年ぐらいかな?
三年かな~Σ＼(￣ｰ￣;)
彼が全然変わらない~
ただ高いになったヽ(*'0'*)ﾂ
男ですからね
先,全く喋らなかった
びっくりすぎる何もかんがえらなかった
しょうがないね

]]> https://ameblo.jp/miaow2814/entry-10431506496.html Mon, 11 Jan 2010 00:58:38 +0900 今年もよろしく~
たった今私が試験中ですよ
凄く大変!
だって私が全然勉強しないし,宿題もやらない.
やる気がない
ダメですよね,私が
でもしかたない
By the way, my friend said that I got the scholarship from my entrance exam.
嬉しいけどなんか夢みたい
とりあえずお金をいただきます
ふふふ

]]> https://ameblo.jp/miaow2814/entry-10427759242.html Wed, 06 Jan 2010 01:11:24 +0900 もう迷ってた.
お兄ちゃんが本当に大嫌い.
顔が見たくない.
何で?
何でお兄ちゃんが変わったの?
戻れないか?
寂しい...
くやしい
どうすればいいんだろうかな?
大嫌い言ってたけど, 彼があたしのお兄ちゃんだよ.
ずっと憧れのお兄ちゃん.


But seems he doesn't care about me anymore.
If he cares, he wouldn't do that to me and my parents.
He would have thought the consequences of his mistakes.
But seems he had closed his heart.
He doesn't want to listen to us, to his heart.
And he keeps repeating the same mistakes.
And he doesn't even feel sorry for whatever he had done to us!
Is it because that girl?
Is that girl had changed him into whatever he is now?
Or is it some kind of his really-late rebellious stage?
He's 27 for God's sake!
He's practically an adult!
Why he does something like that?
Doesn't he care anymore?
Everyone is worried about him, doesn't he notice that?
I've stopped being affectionate to him.
I've stopped talking to him unless it's necessary or he asked me.
I've stopped looking into his eyes.
I've stopped acknowledging him.
I've stopped seeing him as my brother.
But of course, I couldn't say that out loud.
That will just make my parents even sad.
And I don't want to see another tears flowing down on their cheeks.
I don't know what to do anymore....
]]> https://ameblo.jp/miaow2814/entry-10422462081.html Wed, 30 Dec 2009 01:05:50 +0900 And something definitely has happened in my family.
I don't know what it is since they hide it from me.
Maybe something related to me since they don't want me to know about it.
Say, I believe it has something to do with my brother.
And maybe my motorbike, although I'm not so sure about this one.
My mom and the others seem can handle it well in front of me, but not with my grandma.
I can see her obviously trying so hard to hide it.
Like when my mom picked up a call, which then I'm sure that has something to do with the problem, she told my my silently to go out of my ear reach so I can't hear the conversation.
And when my grandpa gave my my mom some pieces of letter, she, again, told my mom silently to get rid of it because I'm in front of her right then. I can see the letters though I can't read the content. But seems it something formal, and I don't have any idea what it is.
Oh God.. I don't know what had happened but it kinda irritates me.
Not mention I have mood swings to when I'm around my friends.
I still think that I'm not really compatible with my friends now.
I don't think I'm matched with them.
I mean, we hang out together and do fun stuffs but sometime their way of hanging out and chatting doesn't suit me well.
And they're so popular in campus. Everyone know them.
Me? They don't even know that I exist.
Maybe I'm really lonely, that's why everything seem irritates me.
I really hope there's someone or something that can be there for me, listen to me, and hold me.
I really need someone to hold me right now.
I miss being hugged.
I've just realized that I was rarely hugged with my family, not even my mom.
I'm not that close with my family after all.
I'm really lonely.
And I was trying to hurt my wrist again today.
I cried a lot. My heart winces. It really hurts.
But what can I do. I'm a coward.
I know that I won't kill myself in the end.
Maybe I seek for attention.
But I don't like to be the center of attention.
I just seek from someone who close to me.
Oh... i don't know what to do anymore.

]]> https://ameblo.jp/miaow2814/entry-10387843869.html Fri, 13 Nov 2009 23:55:46 +0900 Seems everything happens last week.
I don't know why, but I feel so tired.
Not physically, but mentally.
Like everything around me are mess, and I couldn't do anything about it.
I still can't meddle with my classmates. The boys actually.
Well, I do have some boy friends, but I'm not that close.
And I'm so sure that most of the boys in my class haven't remembered my name.
But maybe it's my fault. I'm not used with boys around me after 3 years in all-girls high school.
And as the result, I don't know what to do in front of them. Silly, i know.
But it's not like that I want to find a boyfriend. but I kinda miss having close boy friends.
I must admit that I really need... someone, or anything right now, who can listen to my ranting and my feeling. It's not that I can't tell my friends, but I just feel uncomfortable, discussing my private (the real private feelings) to my friends. Even my best friend. Maybe because I'm not used telling people about my real personality. It's not that I try to hide it, but it' s just a reflect. I'll always the same mask I've been using for the entire of my life. I can't change it. It's become my habit. And maybe I don't want to put it off yet. I like that mask so people won't see through my heart.
The urge to cut my veins was stronger last week. Just the urge though. I really wanted to grab my cutter and cut it. I feel my chest was tighten and hurt. I don't know why.
I don't even know the reason.
And I really don't know the meaning of my life. I still feel that I'm better died.
It's not that I'm needed that bad. Oh, well, when Athirah said that she needs me, I'm touched.
I don't know that someone needs me. I never feel that way.
I'm really a negative person.
I can't seem to see anything from the bright side.
And I'm so stupid.
I can't manage both my money and my time.
Now I have to pay the Duet I've ordered through my friend and BTR DVD.
GOD! How can I pay those things??
I'm kinda sure that I won't go to Jakarta next January.
I can't save my money because of those stuffs.
It's not that I'm regretting what I did.
But I just hate myself because I can't control myself.
GOD! Bless me please...
I really want to be a better person...
but I don't know why.
]]> https://ameblo.jp/miaow2814/entry-10384669881.html Mon, 09 Nov 2009 21:36:51 +0900 でも今は違うんだ.
お兄ちゃんが変った.
別な人になった.
お兄ちゃんが嫌い.

I've been admiring him since I was kid.
He's not the perfect brother, never, but I always respected him.
I never mind it when my dad or my mom scolded me, but I always feel scared whenever he is the one who scolded me.
But why? Why he's changed now?
I respected his choice when he left his job, because I thought he's an adult already. He should have known what he needs to do.
But when he brings that girl into his and my family life, disaster is just coming in.
I hate her for changing his life, for ruining his and our life. I hate them!
I've seen my mom cried before but I never feel pang in my heart just like I saw her now.
She tells me to study hard and she says she's tired thinking of my brother. It just breaks my heart.
I never imagine my brother could do something like that to our family.
That girl is just deceiving him! she's just after his money! why can't he see that??
I don't know what to do anymore.
I really wish this will come to an end.
I don't want to see my mom cries for him anymore.
It's enough for me to see her tears past this month.

I hate him...
]]> https://ameblo.jp/miaow2814/entry-10376132499.html Thu, 29 Oct 2009 20:33:49 +0900 昨日と今日はたくさん面白いことがありましたo(^▽^)o]

昨日はお母さんの家に料理を作った!
自分で!!(≧▽≦)
本当に嬉しいよ!
だって料理があんまりに作ったよ
ただケーキだけ作った
だから
ちょー嬉しいよ!
私はパスタが大好きでMacaroni Schotel が作った


じゃんじゃん


おいしい~о(ж＞▽＜)ｙ ☆


そして今日は
友達は私の町へ遊びに来た
彼女は別の町に住んでいます
休みなので遊びに来た

朝から遊びにいきました
ちょーたのしいよ~

ショッピングもやってたですよ!
私はこのキャミを買ったんです~o(〃＾▽＾〃)o



かわいらしいね~
小さなドートがあるよ
でもこの写真に見えなかったね
残念

じゃ
ここまで
またね~(^O^)/
]]> https://ameblo.jp/miaow2814/entry-10346362665.html Sun, 20 Sep 2009 01:00:09 +0900 おそいね, 私は...
んで~
仁カッコイイ




でしょう~
しかも, 肌がやわらかみたいね~
当たり前だよ
アイドルだから o(〃＾▽＾〃)o

そして
まだあるよ, この写真







キャアアアアアアア
ちょーカッコイイ
LANDSをたのしみо(ж＞▽＜)ｙ ☆


]]> https://ameblo.jp/miaow2814/entry-10343721570.html Wed, 16 Sep 2009 11:10:08 +0900 BUT
I also have tons of assignments to do! o(；△；)o
First, I have to translate a chapter of a book titled The History of Design.
I got 'Modernism in America'.
Thanks God it's a group assignment~
I know I can translate 10 pages alone but, no, thanks...
I still got a lot things to do~
Then I have to draw, um.... another 4 sketches, 2 abstract drawings called repetition, 1 preposition drawing.
And I still have clippings to do, which contains of floor, wall, and ceiling's pictures.
Not forget to mention that there's a paper work for Art History although I've worked at least 80% of it.
Last, I have a group assignment for Civics Philosophy.
SO
My holiday isn't a holiday after all~
2 weeks and I have to do all of those assignments!
I'm dying just for imagining working on it~
But at least, no classes~
That's the most important! (｀∀´)

I hope my brother come back home soon~
He's out of town now, doing some works or what, I don't really get it either.
I need him...
Because I have a little problem with my computer.
I don't believe my dad anymore so I won't ask him.
That's why I patiently waiting for him.
Beside I asked him to buy me a magazine from Kinokuniya since there's no Kinokuniya in my town.
I hope he really buys it...

]]> https://ameblo.jp/miaow2814/entry-10342547746.html Mon, 14 Sep 2009 19:25:40 +0900