I dream of a time when I’m still myself.

When I don’t tie myself to anyone.

That time I think I feel happiness more than now.

You know, I run.

I run out from you because I’m scared.

I’m as scared as hated of myself.

I run away from you to meet him.

I used him.

As replacement.

But,

I don’t see him only as replacement anymore.

He is still he. And you’re still you.

I’m sorry.

It’s like punishment.

I already decided.

I decided to stop.

I just want to be your normal person likes everyone else.

I know myself that I’m right now is an annoying person.

So I choose to stop.

I believe this decision will make everything better.

I’m too tired of myself and I still don’t want to be your one of many people for you.

I used to think I want to meet you, just once.

But deep down I know, it’s impossible.

And you know, I realize for a long time that you aren’t a sincere person.

But at that time, I choose to turn blinded. 

But not anymore

Thank you for a new feeling you taught me.

There is a time when I’m really happy when see you.

But not anymore.

 

It seems I can’t sleep. 

In the past, when I have insomnia I used to look at the ceiling and waited until I fall asleep.

But now, I like to look out of window.

The moon in the sky seems clear, the light of traffic, the sound of silent.

All of this calm me.

And I wish,

Wish that tomorrow will never come.

What are you doing when you have insomnia?

Wondering around? Look at the sky?

Or just stare at the ceiling?

I hope one day I will have a chance. 

A chance to hear your answer.

P.

When I’m a child, when I came to this store with my parent I remember always eat it.

I don’t even know when I stop eating this snack.

But today I don’t know what I’m thinking when ordered it.

Maybe, I just miss..

Miss the feeling of happiness at that time.

I hope you are doing well.

When you’re stressed, 

maybe sweet can help you a bit.☺️

P.

It hurts, a lot.

I’m almost cried, I endured it.

But at the end of today, I feel better.

Because of your voice.

Thank you very much. 

I really like Wednesday 

because of you. ☺️

P.

Aww sorry my stomach.

Not only problem for my poor stomach but also my mind as well. Because I have many worry right now. I know it shown on my face when my friend and senior said if I’m okay or not.

“ Why do you ask like this?’ I said.

“ You smile less.”

Oh.

To be honest, I smile very easily. It’s like only small thing that happended can also make me smile widely. 

I believe smile can encorage or make other peoples feel good too. Like happiness can connect to all around just because of one smile.

So I smile a lot.

But it looks like if my smile had disappeared ,it could have made others worried.

“ I’m sorry.”

“ You don’t have to. I just worried.” She said while patting my head.

Ah.

My eyes is itching.

But I’m really happy right now. 

So I ended this conversation with big hug to her and smile widely. 

“ Thank you.”  

+++

‘ You know? I really like you smile too.

I hope one day I’ll be able to see your true smile.

 A smile from the true you.’ 

P.