https://ameblo.jp/rawr-cake/ "I don't know how much longer I have left..." ja


ok so i was at this one person's house with my friend and we were outside and she told me it was time to go to the event and i was like 'oh right!' but i didn't have my shoes on, idek why i had on socks outside they were prob so dirty, so then i told her to wait for me as i go inside to get my shoes and when i turned around i realized i couldn't get up on the porch...because it had no steps to get up onto it because the ppl living there still had to make steps to their porch lmao idk why but it was a high porch and apparently jhope was on the edge of it, tying the laces of his boots on. i was watching myself and i was like 'wth is he doing here?!?!!?' but the me in the dream just knew he was hoseok (and like not an idol or anything like that) and since he was the only one there i asked if he could give me a hand so i could get up there to grab my shoes and put them on and he just said 'sure' so fast and gave me his hand and i did too and he pulled me up so easily and then thanked him and went inside to put on my shoes, i came back out with my shoes on and went with my friend to the event. it was in a huge area with lots of things going on.

after awhile of being there i saw jhope but didn't think much of it, then later my friend said she had to go home so i was like okay and since she had already left i decided to leave too. i was on my way to the doorway and this one guy who i used to go to school with came up to me and talked to me that it's been a long time and how i've been doing and stuff and i told him i was fine, etc. and he said he has a friend who likes me and i was just laughing but then the next thing he was gone and jhope came outta nowhere like tf! and i wasnt nervous or scared or anything i just didn't know what to say to him so i just continued on my way out the door and he came after me asking if we could walk home together since we lived in the same area and even tho i didnt know him i just said okay.

it was a short walk and we reached his house before mine. mine was a bit farther down the road. his mom was outside and she saw me with him that she invited me in and i rejected nicely the first time but then she kept trying so i just came inside. i didnt even tell her who i was but she was all saying how she's so glad she finally met me and was bringing me snacks and stuff as i just sat on the couch lmao and jhope went off to his room i guess, and then his mom asked if i liked her son and i was like OH NOOO i dont even know him and stuff and that i just knew his name and ended up walking home together and then she a box full of diff kinds of hair pins and clips, so many colors i didnt know what to pick since she told me to pick one, they were all really pretty and then she told me that her son likes me and that he made all the pins for me and i said laughed, 'nahhhh.' and then i woke up ]]> https://ameblo.jp/rawr-cake/entry-12146473394.html Mon, 04 Apr 2016 03:07:32 +0900


There's just a lot i wanna do but i don't know how i'm going to get there.






I'm not good at things nor am i a nice human being as people may think....

i really do feel like i don't belong specifically when i really think about it.



Or at least that seems like the answer i get.





I just do these things to pass time..and it's going nowhere.

The people i know or have met are doing so many things and i feel so different.


Yes we all have our own lives but still i feel like i'm the only one feeling this way

i get mad and sad at the littlest things and that's so stupid.



and no one seems to ask or care or i don't know.

I know there are a few who probably do, but urgh, i just really...i don't know.




my life is rly just a BIG IDK.





]]> https://ameblo.jp/rawr-cake/entry-12025224860.html Mon, 11 May 2015 09:32:47 +0900


but it was a dream with sehun in it...and it was some time ago








i was cooking and i was stirring the food and sehun comes up beside me

and was talking to me but i was just focused on the food and nodding going


mm-hmm and stuff and not really responding back to him so he got angry




i wasn't paying attention and so he came closer to make his face in front of mines

and i got startled and looked up at him, making eye contact then he freakin'




EYE SMILED !!



and then he got happy because i finally gave him attention





and yeah... ]]> https://ameblo.jp/rawr-cake/entry-12023498868.html Thu, 07 May 2015 04:56:36 +0900 I miss Exo-M so bad.

They meant so much to me and always will.



I'll never forget them and how the six members, Kris, Lay, Luhan, Xiumin, Chen and Tao started it all for me.



I wasn't into Kpop until they came around and that's how I got to know Exo-K too, through Exo-M.








If in the future, they meet up together someday, that'll mean so much to me. ]]> https://ameblo.jp/rawr-cake/entry-12017658900.html Thu, 23 Apr 2015 01:03:36 +0900
or don't seem to treat you the same way as other people

probably because you aren't pretty or because you have acne?



I'm thankful for those who treat you the same way



but there's those that kind of don't...and i just know i probably should've covered up my face or something but at the same time i kind of don't care



because i know most girls want to be pretty and all and i'm different than them because it don't matter to me about being pretty while going out. I just go out with my plain, unpretty, acne face.



I guess the world is just getting more cruel.




]]> https://ameblo.jp/rawr-cake/entry-12010420378.html Sun, 05 Apr 2015 08:28:37 +0900

but i still feel like such a failure.




i get so mad at myself or i rather say i just hate myself more.





i'm not really worthy.
i'm not really important.


i'm not really anything but just a lonely girl who has an empty laugh. ]]> https://ameblo.jp/rawr-cake/entry-12010399235.html Sun, 05 Apr 2015 06:27:09 +0900

but i had a dream where sehun and I were childhood friends and he like found a girl he liked and i helped them get together and then all of a sudden as time passed on



i was also friends with kai, and we just started hanging out alot but then sehun probably got jealous or something i have no idea becuase im not him in the dream



and then after school one day sehun stopped me from going to meet up with kai and told me not to go and i was like what's wrong with you


and he just says something about breaking up with the girl i helped him get with, and i was so shocked! and then he says he likes me and stuff and i just..idek.



like wow..i dont even have feelings for anyone in this dream so it was a bit awkward...







this sounds so much like a fanfic ahahaha I should make it into one with an oc and sekai...urhhh but im just idek about that..i rly want to..i deleted my previous one because it was getting mehhh and i didnt know what to really write anymore


and now here i am wanting to write another one.... ]]> https://ameblo.jp/rawr-cake/entry-12003692314.html Thu, 19 Mar 2015 23:55:28 +0900
I don't know what to say...





umm





thank you for your wishes and hard work for these you've given me. I really don't deserve them nor your attention and love.




They are really nice and I'll keep it with me since it's for me.



I don't feel that sad, but i'm not that happy either. But still, thank you for this. It's really nice to receive a nice, thoughtful gift like this.


I don't want to listen/watch or open the gift during that specific day, I'm sorry for doing this early but it's just...I know I won't be that happy on the day so I'd rather avoid getting that feeling mixed over with your gift. Or it won't be that good...in the way I'm thinking.




Again, thank you.
I really, really don't deserve any of this.



]]> https://ameblo.jp/rawr-cake/entry-11996364329.html Mon, 02 Mar 2015 11:31:06 +0900

Thanksgiving is almost here...and I don't really want to go eat at my older siblings houses if so...


My fic is coming along well I guess...and my other fic..I'm deciding to restart it because it doesn't feel...that good? I want to start over.



Hmm...dreams....


since i looked thru my past posts I didn't write the kris dream I had.


me and my sister were at mcdonalds and my sister went somewhere so i was alone and i looked around and saw kris at his own little table in sunglasses on his ipod/phone?





and then later, we were ordering something to bring home to my family. I looked back and saw Kris behind us, now without his sunglasses



and I just shook my sister by the shoulder, whispering to her to say "let's just go home! forget ordering!"

When we left, I bowed to Kris before leaving.




This dream was back when he had this hair tho..or a few days after this day~

my gosh...he was rly tall ;A; and cool!!




Oh! And a dream I had with Sehun! some time ago....I was cooking something so my attention was on the food I was cooking on the stove top and Sehun was with me and he kept talking to me but i only answered in short answers

then he got mad cuz I wasn't giving him attention so he put his face in front of mines! SO FREAKIN' CLOSE AF!!!


I jumped a bit and then he did that eye smile ;~; like WHYYYY!?






And then...this one dream I had of Xiumin. I lived in this really pretty wooden house. My 3rd oldest bro was friends with Exo..and I didn't even know that in the dream. I was taking off my shoes because I still had them on


so i went to the door to take off my shoes and put them away when I saw my brother and Exo coming in. I saw Kai, chanyeol, baekhyun and xiumin. I was trying to hurry and take off my shoes but I couldn't!!!



They already came in and took off their shoes and I was freakin' struggling while Xiumin stayed behind, as the others went with my bro to play games at the tv.

Xiumin laughed at something my brother said while I was still struggling and seeing that smile ;___;


Then I was able to take it off and I hurried myself to put my shoes on the rack and he put his shoes next to mines! I wasn't able to look at him at all!

So I made my way around him and returned to my room and told my sisters about my brother being friends with EXO.






]]> https://ameblo.jp/rawr-cake/entry-11955434841.html Sat, 22 Nov 2014 09:42:59 +0900
just....


feelings that are all jumbled up inside....not sure how to explain them but it's something like i dont really care anymore...


i dont want to care anymore....its a tiring process...

and i dont get assured of it enough...and i will just keep asking for it...which is bothersome to the other

and i dont want to appear that way.


plus....i said things i didnt mean either...it may seem like it...but now that i think back on it...i dont think what i said was true



...not really. ]]> https://ameblo.jp/rawr-cake/entry-11848899240.html Tue, 13 May 2014 10:33:31 +0900