hello im bowie, 04/12/2011 (prox 15 yrs old)

i like cucumbers, enchiladas, sandwiches and peanut butter.

i like to draw pictures and sometimes make them move. i really like the internet since i was very little 

unable to write or talk. i want to speak 4 languages ! im learning german and japanese. not fluent but im trying.

redegg/akaran/akatamago's work mean alot to me. 

so does kikuo, ( i admire his work since i was young )

i am not really a good person, i believe im quite a unhealthy person

i dont like myself at all and frequently dont see myself as human but see me as only a internet persona i put out there

maybe why youll never see parts of me and if i do show you ill gaslight myself i never did so.

im flawed to the brim and i do know im quite fucked with how things are so normalized to me 

ik some people dont like stuff about me and i also know im found pretty much annoying so if thats a red flag then im sorry

i have various interests

ones i hold dear to me. 

thats all i think should be known then the obvious. 

gg

how do i feel about it? would i be the one to do it? and is it genuine bullshit.

i feel like overall my personal bias

i attempted 3 or 4 times in my life

one time i almost succeeded, i did it at a time where i thought it didnt really matter bc everyone was out of reach 

im not so apologetic about it because no one knows about it , never talked about it

i hinted at it to a friend but brushed it off

i stopped being so empathetic or caring about suicide,

i feel so drained about the topic it claws at me it stabs at me it tears me apart 

now it no longer tears at me because i pretend its something that doesnt exist

i dont wanna care , i just wanna pretend those who die such a way didnt exist 

didnt happen, but thats so ignorant? so desensitive? and overall cruel.

but why does it matter, i stayed uncomfortable all my life when now i seek comfort i feel terrible

im losing empathy, i cant stand it

years of torture and neglect from others

why should i care about you? 

to be honest thats not a question directed at you, more of a question youre asking me and im asking you the same thing.

why should you care about me?

thats a question that is important, if u cant answer it then that says alot about what youre feeling

you dont care about the person, you just want to help the needy. you do not care

how can I want friends but im terrible at keeping them

it seems I run away or make people run away from me

sometimes i forget my face sometimes i forget the body i inhabit

i don't want to look i really don't, people praise me as a person but i know they wouldn't look at me either

im close to useless 

How does it feel to be pretty, kind, and thought out as a person

i claw at my face hopping itll snap back to its youth when I smiled brightly looking confident in my abilities 

My mind is disgusting im all filth, filth that swallowed me whole the second i learned how to walk 

i think today will be a good day

i say this all the time i know at the end of the day i break down more and more but then just accept yeah that day was great and hope tomorrow will feed off those words

i think ill do good 

I just have to keep not looking at my

self and look down the way people look down at me  just draw, draw, study and study and hope for the best and if i succeeded maybe i can finally expand to a healthy pattern

obsessed over akatamago (赤卵) and his work.

I say im very interested in vocaloid/utauloid stuff and weird lewd media .

im 15 years old (2011) soon to be 16 (2027)

I am learning german (actively), japanese

I can read japanese somewhat, and recognize

words and sounds quite well, with german

I can understand quite well with reading not 

listening. 

I love animals, anime, American food and 

anything lewd in nature

my favorite thing to listen to is ptpd, 

hardcore techno, and overall vocaloid

more about me soon !! 

this blog is for visiting eyes only