国雄@しき * ※k o k u y u ' s _ m e m o i r ※ * ){Sanctuary Ver.}( https://ameblo.jp/rozecarrie-kc/ the cave of KamiEsao Carmen ja Keep Walking This blog may be history, but the journey has not end yet.

Plus, this will not be a new journey to me, and definitely not old one. This is just a journey.

Please go to http://ameblo.jp/kokuyuray/ or http://kokuyuray.blogspot.com/

Thank you very much for your time & attention. (^∇^)

]]> https://ameblo.jp/rozecarrie-kc/entry-10294064326.html Sun, 05 Jul 2009 22:32:19 +0900 LifeStyle : Love Each Other, Live Together?
We love each other, so let’s live together? Is this the way to go…until that fine day when you walk (or don’t walk) down the aisle?

Fromsharing rent and living expenses to having your loved one right next toyou every day, co-habitation is fast becoming a trend (many studentsinterviewed say this lifestyle is becoming commonplace among them andtheir friends); a trial-run, so to speak, before the actual deal ofmarriage.

Usually referring to couples who live together in anintimate relationship, co-habitation can happen for a myriad ofreasons: whether it be for emotional or financial purposes. It also hasits ups and downs – living together is not a bed of roses, no matterwhat the movies tell us.

However, while it is generally frownedupon in a more conservative, traditional society like ours, it doesseem that many young couples don’t see the harm in living together.

JohnC, 25, has been living together with his girlfriend of a year for thepast 8 months of their relationship. Although he has yet to tell hisparents, he believes that there is nothing wrong with living together –rather, it can be a good thing.

“It is nice to be close to eachother and it’s easier for us to go out, meet up with friends, and stillknow that the other is close by. “No matter where any of us go, we’llstill come back to a cuddle during cold weathers.”
However, headmits that he would rather not tell his parents. “In our society,cohabitation is still frowned upon; if I tell my parents, they willmost certainly disapprove.

“The reason why we live together issimple: I love looking at her, although she is shy about it, and I lovethe idea of a kiss or a hug before sleep,” he says. Being both studentsof the same course, he says that it is simply easier to havediscussions about assignments and consult each other when they hit asnag.

Living together is tough at times, he says, but they rarelyargue. “We don’t really argue, though we do have small fights. Wealways make up in the end.”

Arguments are, however, only a smallpicture of what living together is like; Bryan Chan, 22, says thatliving together is, in his opinion, not as simple as living under thesame roof. “It’s about getting ready to share your life with another;someone who will be there every single day.”

Chan and his girlfriendof four years have never considered living together, however, as theyboth know their parents would disapprove and also due to his respectfor her and for their relationship.

“Still, when it comes to rightor wrong, it’s a matter of perspective,” he says. “Being in aculture-orientated society like ours, where culture does not permit it,many would see it as wrong and inappropriate.”

On the unavoidabletopic of sex, he honestly says that from a male perspective, that wouldbe the first thing on their minds. “Any guy who says otherwise iseither lying or a saint,” he jokes. “But there are some couples wholive together and yet wait, out of respect and love for each other.”

Someof the good points about living together, he feels, would be thecomfort of having someone you love close by. It would also perhaps helpin preparing young couples to face marriage. However, he feels that theheat of young love may sometimes spur some rash decisions.

“Sometimes,when they are in love, couples rush into things and start livingtogether when they are not ready,” he says. “As a result, what is orcould be a strong, lasting relationship may crumble.”

Paul Wong,25, and his wife of two years, Teo JN, were dating for 10 years beforetying the knot –and neither had ever considered living together beforethat.

“First of all, our parents would never allow it, and second,it is not something that couples must do before marriage, or as a testrun,” he says. He believes that marriage does not come with a trial kit– it is not an antivirus programme or computer software.

“I respect her completely,” he says. “Our relationship is as strong as ever even without cohabitation.”
Hefeels that while cohabitation is becoming almost a norm these days (hehas many friends who have lived together with their partners), it isnot something you can enter into lightly. “It takes love and respect ina relationship for it to work, not a trial-and-error-run to check orsee if it may work.”

Some pros, he feels, would be only on theaspect of cost: it certainly saves on living expenses if couples sharethe rent and bills. But there are so many other negative aspects: thestigma and parental reaction, being but two of some of them.

“A lotof girls actually do not reveal that they are living with theirboyfriends, and are rather reluctant to speak about it, fearing that itmay be judged as inappropriate.”

In the end, it may seem as if theyoung have taken to this trend and feel that it is quite a normaloccurrence – yet the subject is still open to debate: is it the bestfor a relationship to be tested that way? And in a society like ours,would they be able to face up to the frowns and disapproval? Perhaps,in all circumstances, the best action to take is to stop and thinkcarefully before committing to a co-habitation, for it takes a toll onrelationships – whether for the better or for the worse.

Staying Apart but Living Together

Parentsaren’t keen on the idea of cohabitation; and some couples who areliving together are doing so without the knowledge of papa and mama.

Manyco-habitating couples mention that their parents know they’re together,but are unaware that they’re living together. Here are some stories onhow those who live together have kept it under wraps –by staying apart,but living together.

Zaid and Zila* have known each other for half ayear, when Zaid decided to move Zila out of her rented home (which sheshared with her girlfriends) and into an apartment of her own –whichwas a few blocks away from Zaid’s. Shortly after that, he rented theapartment just a few floors above hers to be close to her but stillmindful and fearful of getting caught by religious authorities ordisapproval from their parents. Now, Zaid has almost moved in. Zilasays, his things are all in her apartment already.

Another couple, who are both students, live together at his place although she continues to pay rent for her own room.

And,while not actually staying at the same place, many couples also livetogether anyway –boyfriends sleep over and literally move the entirecontents of their rooms to their girlfriend’s place or vice versa. ]]> https://ameblo.jp/rozecarrie-kc/entry-10266347463.html Sat, 23 May 2009 12:23:10 +0900 Marital Intimacy - The Connection

Marital Intimacy - What is it really?
The term "marital intimacy" is a catch phrase that is used frequentlyin today's culture to politely refer to the act of sexual intercourse.If you attend a couple's seminar, however, you might hear the samephrase used to describe a much broader context of relationship betweena husband and a wife.

The idea of intimacy implies a connection between two persons,in this case between two spouses. The writer of the Book ofEcclesiastes speaks of two individuals deriving warmth from lying downtogether (Ecclesiastes 4:9). The same passage provides a visual pictureof a rope that is woven with three strands of cord to symbolize theintimate connection that exists in a marriage that is strengthened byGod. From these verses in the Bible, we can understand that whilemarital intimacy is certainly about a physical connection, it is muchmore than that. The Apostle Paul writes in Ephesians 5:31 about amysterious union of a man who, by joining himself to a wife, becomesone flesh with her. As we study the significance of marital intimacy,we can come to understand the potential for a deep and rewardingconnection between a husband and a wife that encompasses four areas;emotional, mental/social, spiritual, and physical.


Marital Intimacy - How do we experience it?
Ifmarital intimacy is really a deep and rewarding connection that canexist between a husband and wife, who doesn't want it? But how do weexperience it? Marital Intimacy is accomplished as a husband and wifeseek to sacrificially love each other by learning to meet each other'sneeds within the marriage. A number of good books have been written onthe subject of how to understand the differences between men and womenand how to begin to meet each other's needs in marriage. Of course, nospouse should ever be expected to meet all the needs of the other.Nevertheless, each husband and wife team is made up of two large puzzlepieces, that when fit together, will create a beautiful panoramicpicture of what marital intimacy is all about.

Marital Intimacy is achieved in all of its completeness aseach spouse learns to share and connect with the other in four areas:emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical. Because God, the Creator ofmankind, designed men and women uniquely, the way in which these fouraspects of intimacy are experienced is somewhat different for eachspouse.

Women generally seek the fulfillment of emotional connectionand want to know that feelings are both valued and shared in anintimate relationship. They also enjoy communicating closeness throughmental forms of intimacy and "feel connected" through a mutual exchangeof thoughts. This allows them to enter into the daily world where theirhusbands live and think.

Men are wired somewhat differently, and tend to experience thegreatest levels of intimacy through companionship, activity, and formsof physical intimacy, such as sexual intercourse. While the intimacyneeds of women might be described as "being," the same needs in men canbest be conceptualized as "doing."


Marital Intimacy - Where does God fit in?
Awoman experiences the deepest intimate connection with her husbandthrough emotional validation and mental exchange. A man achieves thesame feeling of intimacy through involvement with his wife in behaviorsthat enhance closeness. Physical intimacy is a significant part ofachieving that closeness. The a husband and a wife can be intimatelyinvolved in meeting each other's emotional, mental, and physical needs.

But what about the spiritual aspect of marital intimacy? Wheredoes God fit in? He waits to be invited to become the third cord spokenof in Ecclesiastes, Chapter 4. God reveals Himself in the openingchapters of Genesis, the first book of the Bible, as Creator of theuniverse and of mankind. Here, we find that God has created humanbeings in His image. This means that men and women are "soulish"people. In other words, we have a human spirit that was made to connectwith the Spirit of the living God. God intends that we also join ourspirits together within the covenant of marriage.

How do we achieve spiritual intimacy? We must first recognizeGod as the One who has created us and designed a spiritual life for us.Once we have entered into a personal relationship with Him, then we areready to share our spiritual journey with our spouse as we seek allthat God has for us within the beautiful covenant of Godly marriage.


Excerpts from:

http://www.allaboutgod.com/marital-intimacy.htm

-kiss of longing-
]]> https://ameblo.jp/rozecarrie-kc/entry-10262587375.html Sun, 17 May 2009 11:59:59 +0900 Ponderings
The time when I spoke to my Darling on how grateful I am to be able to avoid staring at my cousin lustfully, she seemed to get offended that I mentioned "she looks sooo sexy".

But my cousin's sexiness is not what I'm highlighting. What I'm trying to tell her is I'm able to prevent myself from falling into lust, not praising cousin's sexiness. Yet, Darling took offence and then took her own path to praise a sexy guy she saw in the train. At first, I thought she's being sarcastic and teasing, but little did I know she's "courting other guys while I court my cousin" (I go my own way, you go yours)

-__________________-|||

Although I'm proud she has a good inner strength of not falling down and cry helplessly, I'm confused on how I should be praising now.

Should I follow the Divine Principles such as "ALL praise be upon God", meaning, the words MOST, SO, prettiEST, etc.... must be attributed to Darling only?

I remembered she did said she accepted the fact they are people more beautiful than her, so why is she taking offense in my cousin statement? Moreover, I've already mentioned I acknowledge there're women prettier than her, but I am attracted to Darling only.

Darling, it isn't that I dislike the rigid way of praising, but I need to know clearly how these compliments should be expressed ^_____________________^

Aside from all these thoughts, I'm still quite worried over what my Honeyy is thinking yesterday. The tears streamed once from her eyes indicated something serious has happen. Yet, to be frank, I feel restless when she declined to tell. I dunno, but, my Beloved Honeyy, if telling will only make me bothered, not telling will make me more bothered. If I've done something beyond wrong, I deeply sincerely beg for your forgiveness and am ready to correct myself.

*kisses ur hands* I Love You One and Only without doubt, Darling Shahad
]]> https://ameblo.jp/rozecarrie-kc/entry-10261914099.html Sat, 16 May 2009 12:10:16 +0900 Pillow Talk
To be frank here, I am fully aware of you as a Muslim. This means in Islam, what we have done is fully objectionable. There's no question as to whether we as unmarried couple can enjoy sexually aroused activity. In short, it's obvious what we did is something that will shock the people and media outside our room.

However, on the other hand. I would be wondering why I am feeling blessed because it (romantic intimacy) is leading me to somehow rightly paths. I stop staring at other girls lustfully already. My crossdressing tendency is reducing significantly though slowly. I start to feel proud of my own body.

What are all these outcome called? Satan's tricky promise? But why is our intimacy causing me to lower my gaze from looking at sexy, even naked, girls? Isn't lowering the gaze commanded in Holy Quran too?

Honestly speaking, I am not in any way against Islam's view on couple's love. Islam forbids touching between opposite-sex even if both loves each other, because if one partner betrays the other, then the betrayed will feel humiliated because her precious body has been touched (tainted) by disgusting (betrayer's) hands. That's why its teaching warns couples against dating.

Here, I know I may sounded like a Casanova, but NEVER will I leave nor betray my Darling Shahad. NEVER
I'm saying this not because I fear leaving her, nor because it will affect my honesty, but because I Love Her Faithfully and I never regret (if i've choosen the wrong soul partner) because she has provided me with all her Love.

Since the day she presented me with her biggest, deepest Love, I can't help but feeling tremendously grateful to be able to Love her. That intimate day too has increased my respect towards her body and her self. It has also increases my awareness of her dignity, which replaces curiosity that I used to have previously ^__^"""

And thus, I do not consider myself in our romantic intimacy as "lucky" nor "taking advantage of you", but touching, honoured. Yes, I feel touched because you trust me so deeply dearly. I feel even honoured to be loved by you. (I used the word 'honoured' because this intimacy is something exclusive to both of our Love and not anyone else)

continued......
]]> https://ameblo.jp/rozecarrie-kc/entry-10261758607.html Fri, 15 May 2009 23:02:39 +0900 Marriage, Islam, no.1, no.2....no.2. no.1...?
In the past, or during the early times when I'm in love with Darling Shahad, marriage is the main reason why I'm converting to Islam. Yet, I feel this is not a reasonable point for me to convert. It puts me into embarrassing situation because I'm doing this for the sake of a woman, not God. It makes Islam look like a ticket purchased in order to enter wonderland.

To be honest, I felt at lost whenever I ponder over this, because I still can't find any better reason. I grew restless. At that moment, my Darling consoled me, saying God will guide me to find an answer, hopefully. I nodded, and decided to leave this thought to be under God's judgement.

Nevertheless, true to my decision, I feel God finally revealed an answer in my heart last week. All praise to Him, after a few rounds of visiting mosques and meeting other Muslims, I was able to put a sound decision on this matter now.

Darling did not influence to Islam, but only amplify my long-buried interest in Islam. This is proven in my months of research on Islam from various sources, even Islamophobia articles as well.

To be honest, I used to have a certain amount of interest about Islam, historically. But never in my mind that I thought of converting, because judging from the widening hypocrisy in Muslims in both worldwide and Malaysia, that's enough to scare me away from getting to know about converting. All I know is Islam creates conservativeness and restricted life like hell.

However, my Darling Shahad came to my life with something that contradicts with my mindset.

What does she have? 1) westernization 2) Islam
Both. What's more, she bridged both of these contrasting element that has been long demonized by Muslim clerics.

Frankly speaking, she becomes the closest Muslim I have ever come in contact with. She is the closest living "Sunnah" I've ever witnessed. Moreover, she

With an Islamic pillar to support me, I started to have interest in knowing deeper about Islam, especially the ones that aren't found in school textbook. I embarked on a cruise of understanding more of the reality side of Muslims, and not just the basic teachings of Islam. There were fiery pains and bleeding emotions stirring in my head as I read the dark side of Muslims. But now I have emerged from this suffering with an independent mind and not easily swayed by selfish ideas. This is Ijtihad,

Because of this, I decided to set a plan that would be implemented after converting. The most important part is preserving my Chinese identity. I will never change my Chinese name nor add any Arabic name in it. My name is Chong Kok Hoong. My Islamic name is Chong Kok Hoong. Nothing more, nothing less.

But why am I going through such hassle like an activist? Simple, this is what Islam demands. Allah has commanded that we fight for Truth.

I am actually glad that the person I love is not a Malay. No offence at all, but I sincerely hope things will be easier for non-muslims to understand that Islam is universal, not tied to single race.

At the end here, where is Darling's initiative? Not in everything mentioned above. She is only a pillar, not microchip-processing electronic. Alhamdulliah, I'm glad I have been doing my homework and explore to see for myself.

On the other hands however, I won't lie, I really need Darling to be by my side for life. To be honest, she is not there just to instil interest of Islam back to me, but tirelessly ensuring I won't fall off the track.

to be continued~
]]> https://ameblo.jp/rozecarrie-kc/entry-10261758513.html Fri, 15 May 2009 21:42:06 +0900 Thoughts of the day [II] https://ameblo.jp/rozecarrie-kc/entry-10257532489.html Sat, 09 May 2009 11:03:07 +0900 Updates from my parents' views 2
I don't know how this came up, but............aaarrgghhh........mum again >.<

She told dad about the book about Islam's history which I borrowed from uni's library, and dad kindly asked me why I borrow that book.

Lol.........seriously, my mum needs to get a life >< But I won't blame her, since anything to do with Islam is a tell-tale sign of something bad. Plus, she has yet to understand my actual intentions.

I was quite shocked in few seconds, but finally able to grab my guts to speak up. "When I read, it does not mean I believe. is it so wrong to borrow (this mere) books?!"

And because I spoke too fast (I was quite panic at that time), dad asked me to repeat again. I had to take some breath before I could resume ^__^"

"Is it so strange for me to read such things?!" I added.
"Nope, you are not. Your bro is more strange than you, you lil bro is stranger too," my dad replied, trying to assure me it's a normal thing.

Dad then asked me why not I become a Theologist (lol......that's why I wrote that name in my msn). In fact, that is something I would like to be, to be honest.

Later then, I show them some Judaism stuffs, in order to prove to them I am not learning just Islam.

But mum, dissatisfied with my answer, whisper to dad. She could be telling him I learn about Islam because of Shahad.

Thus, dad asked me again. "Is there no other intention that you learn about religions?"

"No, because it is just something interesting to learn of, as interesting as engineering (refering to dad's job)," I said.

"Even the book History of Religion was bought years ago," I added. But by the time I finished my words, I realize I could be hinting to him that I'm not doing this because of someone else -__________-""

This time, I really find myself blown to the end of the wall. I didn't take this opportunity properly to explain to them peacefully about my intention and benefits of learning various religions. But I am also worried if I were to do so in such peaceful manner, that would expose the truth to them. Yet, when I reacted with hostility, I would be already 'hinting' to them indirectly. Nevertheless, I suppose a calm reply should benefit more. >< Darn, what a messy mind........ -__-

But still, I realize I really need to hide away the Islamic books now, or else I would be questioned for owning them.

God..........help me please........ ><

Aside, things now are back to normal, thankfully :)
]]> https://ameblo.jp/rozecarrie-kc/entry-10256080152.html Wed, 06 May 2009 23:37:59 +0900 Handphone
I wondered.......are they any privacy rights for a child from parents' "intrusion"?

I think the challenge may heat up anytime soon, but not to be panicked of. -__-" One thing for sure, I'll have to load up all our stuffs into more clandestine place, no more in my bedroom :)

Sux anyway............ -__- and also due to my carelessness.

I keep quite a number of darling's sms in my hp. and i thought it would be safe since my parents don't really check much my hp. but............

just this evening, dunno why mum checked it without my knowledge. at that time when i came back, she quickly asked me about this hotlink sms (which i also left there)

but this late night, when i dozed off while doing assignment, she again went to 'ransack' my hp -______________-"""

by the time i woke up, i saw her holding her hp. i have this feeling she wants to send one of that sms into her phone so that she can use it as evidence against me if i ever delete them away >_<

but that's my speculation, coz she may have wanted to call my big bro who's still on his way home from holiday with friends.

anyways............i won't give up
i've already prepare my excuse, saying she just want to ask me if this poem is alright for her assignment. and after all, don't they know how do best friends treat each other?

i will never give up
even if i am forced to leave her for my parents' choice of girl, it won't make me happy nor blissful.

i love my family, but i hope they will understand well the truth.

]]> https://ameblo.jp/rozecarrie-kc/entry-10254183113.html Mon, 04 May 2009 03:01:42 +0900 Updates from my parents' views
Aside, I will post a summary of their views here, for the record and analysis. Nevertheless, what was written below is based on what I had understood from my parents' opinion and NOT exactly their words.

Regarding my claims that it would be racist, or in other words, unsuitable as spouse plainly just because of her race, he explains that it would be a bigger challenge to deal with should I ever marry one. True to my explanation that sometimes we can be racist because that particular race has some bad practices, dad spoke that there would be clash of cultures which may cause misunderstandings.

Besides, religion too can contribute to these clashes. Due to various interpretations of religion (there are many denominations of Christianity, as well as various interpretations of beliefs in Islam), these differences of views is much of the hassle one has to face up.

Plus, dad pointed out of how religions breeds hypocrisy in people. For example, some Christians may call Buddhist worshipers as satan worshipers due to their prayers to Buddha statues; while Muslims can be "allergic" to non-Muslim stuffs and may act as if non-Muslims are haram/unclean/dirty people. Thus, he emphasizes that it's better to play safe by being non-religious.

On this part, I can't help but wondering what would God think if I choose to be non-religious. Will Hell be my destination?
Also, honestly here, I wanted so much to clarify things that he misunderstood, but even if I said I have done a research on this that, it doesn't help much as he remained unconvinced, unless I show him a page from a book mentioning its evidence. But all my understandings are from the internet -_- One misunderstanding dad had was "Muslims pray to Muhammad" because he thought it's the same like Christians worship Jesus & Buddhist worship Buddha (although the fact is Buddha is not a god nor God).

Another thing that my parents prefer about my future spouse is she lives closer to them, that is, nothing further than 2-hour drive.

And here, dad states some questions which are the criteria for me in choosing a suitable spouse:

- Will she respect my parents, treat them kindly and be helpful to them?
- Will she become a hypocrite?
- Will she be friendly to everyone around us?

I will add another one my dad told me during dinner ^__^''''''' :- "Never marry a rich girl"

On another point, dad advised me to befriend a handful of girls and select the most suitable one from them. This means becoming best friends to them, and keep a distance from becoming intimate, lest I would get stuck with her (whom I become intimate with) because by then, I would be "owing" her already. And in case I really fall into this, dad can help to mediate this issue, or I can rightly reject her because she took this advantage to trick me, although dad also added if I find her as the Miss Right one, then intimacy shouldn't be an issue.
But to be honest here, what if I can try to improve one, instead of rejecting one by one like job interview?

Frankly speaking here, from this part, I thought he know about my relationship already ^__^"" But well, in my opinion, it's because I trust darling very well that I allow her to touch me intimately. At the moment I had intimacy with darling, never in my mind do I have it just to take advantage of enjoying this pleasure, but because I believe our relationship can grow like water and air to the seed of our relationship. And the ever-changing weather and perhaps, harsh environment would hopefully strengthen the plant to become a strong wooden tree that sprang high up to glorify Heaven.

(omg ^__^"" gomen for these poetic words, though I wanted to emphasize I have no regrets about us and convinced you're my right one)

Nevertheless, the main issue to me is not because I've had kiss you already, but how I can prove to my parents that you are able to lessen their worries.
Indeed, I must say our relationship is a critical challenge, because you woulld be the first non-Chinese to be part of Chong family if this were to be successful, meaning it's a historic-making event. Thus, this explains why it's such a huge deal, and me, having no experience in this, need to really becareful in decision-making, (also my first time). That's why I hope darling can forgive me in this situation, for I'm still learning.

Btw, darling, if you say you have enough of family issues, then we might not be able to ensure this parents' challenge. Yes, my mum is now a great setback for us, but I don't want you to give up because of her narrow-mindedness. Even yesterday, I got so angry in heart when she in her cold tone, told me not to meet you too often, for "you will influence me". And now, I couldn't read my pocket Quran as often as previous times because it will lead her to feel suspicious of my "motive".

It's not confirmed whether my parents speak while keeping in mind that i must not fall in love with any foreigner, though my dad did twice remind me that the most important aspect is she can treat my parents kindly and without conflicts. Does he mean "as long as you're nice to us?"

To be honest, I find it hard to ask certain questions, despite dad's warmest encouragement, because
1) There are certain aspects he's yet to understand accurately, such as Islam and crossdressing.
2) Mum is always beside him, and she's a firm opposition to things that are alien to my family. -__-"

Not to mention, pleasing her is the hardest, unless dad intercedes because he has the dominant voice enough to veto hers. No wonder the joke I saw in Fraser Hill's smokehouse is true: "Never mind the dog, beware the mother in law"

I was also wondering, if there is a cultural differences, what if she has the universal culture that is also practice by my family? (courtesy, gift-presenting, etc...)

Other than that, what my parents said didn't change my mind in whole sense, but at least they have spoken up their worries, so that we can try solve it so that we can assure them that you are not a threat to the family.

My Darling, I still Love You
]]> https://ameblo.jp/rozecarrie-kc/entry-10252921044.html Sat, 02 May 2009 00:52:29 +0900