God....I m ok to end my life now so 

just take my

Life in return please let me feel no more 

Pain

And please let Mylo be happy 

Than nothing more I would ask for

Now just let it all stop

In opposite meaning.

When not understood I feel hurt sometimes even angry.... And say things I don't really even have in my heart cuz of anger...

At the end intension of just wanting to be understood turns into disaster....

I cannot even let the one person I adore to let him understand I love him...

So why try any harder. Why speak? If words cannot describe the heart why we speak? For what do we need to speak?

I rather just be alone in silence

If my true meaning of love is seen as 

Material thing why speak?

Now I'm silent

He hates me.....

No point of return

My strength has burnt out

How can a 35 year old Asian girl beat

The sexy Italian?

There's no way in hell I cannot even 

Compete.... It's lose lose situation

Even her name sounds lot sexy than mine

Chiara..... Shihori..... Gosh sucks to be 

Me... God is so unfair.....

Then now 7

And when look into scalp 14

どうしたらいいんだろうーーー

このまま全部身体中。。。。。

こんな姿。。。。

会いたいけど会えないよ

このまま治らないなら

もうずっと会いない。。。。

涙止まらないから目ははれてるし

死にたい。。。

He said

U were a girl needed help... So I wanted to help u have better life......

これが彼の答えでした。。。。

８カ月一緒に過ごした時間と離れてからのこの5ヶ月の思いが今すべて心折れた。

If he would ask me why I love him I can come up with so many qualities that only 

Can be found in him ...... His warmth 

The way he delicately chooses his words

When speaking, on and on

And most of all because when i dont even understand how he could love someone like me....he loves me that's why

I loved him....

But he saw nothing that is just my own

A reason why me.....

Well I guess at the end it all comes together....

Cuz he saw nothing in me he left....

So I am a dummy after all.....

Dummy dummy dummy me

What am I good for?

Funny thing.... 

I get a MSG. It was great talking to you

Made me happy to realize how strong girlyou are...... I love a strong women... Who ever gets to spend life next to u be a lucky man.......

.............. Sigh...........

Wtf does people see in me?

Strong? Lucky?

Come on ??? Why can't everybody just see clear from beggining??? I'm dummy

I'm a bitch I'm no good!

I explain that too.... 

I kept asking why u love me?

Cuz I had no idea

Cuz I'm honestly a skefish veld centered

Bitch ... Without warning I can be really 

Mean .... I'm full of flaws

I tend to nag....

I'm a puzzle indeed...

Ever complex in everyway

All the pieces are not all in the box

I'm incomplete

But people still talk as the see clear full 

Picture of puzzle...

How is that possible?

I don't even have the whole picture to

Complete me....

So people stop being blinded of me.

I'm a dummy . Stop seeing all these beautiful things... I'm not!!!!

If u see beauty in me it's called make up.

And all that attraction u see for my inside is just imagination of people being flirty

I'm not nothing

I'm ugly spotty dying selfish baby killing 

Dummy with no purpose... Just a trash

So no need to flatter me

Just dont stop and pass me by

I'm worth noones heart

Two big spot yesterday now accumulated 

To 7 spots.... Worst part is its starting to 

Spot on my face and arm where visible...

I guess spots finally gonna eat me up

神様のバチだろうな。。。。

カーマ

Longer I wait 

My nerves multiplies......

Ughhhh

Scared......

I know how painful it's gonna be ....

Sigh sigh sigh that's all I can do......

Should I just skip the app?

No I cannot even let go of 0.1 % of chance.......

This must be my karma punishment...

I should of taken the gift from god while

I was given and not take it out

How f stupid of me.... 

So selfish for me to choose him ....

I'm so sorry baby.... I'm so sorry god

I just felt if I believed him and make 

Our relationship work I thought we can 

Once again create another baby soon in time.... But I never knew his plan was to leave me anyways.....

I'm sorry....