However the pain caused from rejection of a one-sided love I think is worse than the pain of a break-up.

I think it causes you to judge yourself harshly and wonder why someone doesn’t share your feelings. You wonder what’s wrong with you. And those feelings of love are difficult to shake. 

Of course if you do truly love someone then the best thing you can do is let me find their happiness even if that means without you. But the pain is quite real.

You can lose all your motivation and have no desire to do anything. These feelings fade and you realise that person wasn’t right for you. You slowly pick yourself up and carry on. But it’s a terrible sting that never gets any easier.

My parents came to visit for the first time last week. I met them at the airport and took them to their hotel in Shinjuku. I know how long and tiring the journey can be plus the added drag of jet lag, so I’m sure all they wanted to do was sleep. However they were only here for 6 days so I felt like I wanted to cram in as much sightseeing as possible!

I took some days off work and showed them around Tokyo. We did so much walking, and even though I could see how exhausted they were, trying to find the hotel was an unwelcome bonus for them!

I like when people visit because it’s easy to forget that I’m living in a foreign country. Every day seems to melt into one, so when I go back and do all the touristy stuff, I remind myself that I’m living halfway across the world in a country that’s not my home. It’s funny because I think if I was living in an English speaking country, or at least somewhere more internationally diverse, I could call it my home. However since living here everybody including myself has called England my home. People from England ask when am I coming home, and people from Japan ask when am I going back home. Even after almost 9 years, I’m still a tourist here.

I also enjoy the reactions of people visiting here for the first time. I get to relive those culture shock moments, and see the differences in ways of living between the east and west. I had a desire to become a tour guide, but I wonder if I would tire of the seeing the same places and repeating the same things. I love cooking but I would never want to be a chef because I fear I would lose interest and come to dislike cooking at home.

It was only a short visit for them, but I hope that they could enjoy it. I often regret not showing more, or being more interesting in conversation, or being more active and enthusiastic after meeting someone. But now I think they’re enjoying their time in Australia and it’s my younger brother’s turn to be a tour guide!

I started practicing yoga about 5 years ago, and occasionally go swimming. I enjoy things that I can do alone, so I’ve never really participated in competitive sports.

Since I’m a member of a gym, I sometimes try out new classes like Zumba and the weight training class. I always feel a little self-conscious because I’m the only white guy in the class and also I’m not very good at it. I know deep down nobody really cares, but I still hesitate nonetheless. Even though I feel that way, I join the classes anyway because I want to get fit and I’m paying for it ...

This week I tried out a class called Ubound that involves aerobics on a mini trampoline. I had such fear that I would fall off that I never attempted it but it’s a new month and season so I tried it anyway. It was pretty difficult and tiring, and I was using muscles that I didn’t know I had. It was such a strange feeling touching the floor again. But I sweated and felt good afterwards so I want to continue with it.

Today I tried a kickboxing class. I’ve done it before but I wanted to try again. I realised how tight my hips are, despite doing yoga, and it was a lot more difficult than last time. But it was fun and tiring and I’m glad I tried it. I hope I can enjoy them as much as my other classes, and hopefully gain some rhythm, which I dearly lack.

I’ve wanted to come to these islands for a while, and it’s relatively cheap. I’ve been in the mountains and by the forest and rivers this year, so this time I’m by the sea. I haven’t been on a boat for years, so it really did feel like a trip.

The island is relatively small, and you can see the sea and mountains looking left and right. There was a hot spring that looks out over the sea, which was really nice. The mountain, a volcano, featured in the Godzilla movie. Apparently the government dropped Godzilla inside the volcano. It’s still an active volcano, and the last eruption wasn’t that long ago. 

I don’t have a television at home, so these trips are the only times I watch tv. Last night I watched Sasuke, which is like a challenge game show, where athletes compete to complete four stages. I was really inspired by the competitors, who have been training constantly, trying to complete the stages. Unfortunately, only one person made it to the final stage, and he ran out of time before reaching the goal. Watching the motivation and dedication it takes to achieve their goals really makes me want to work hard and train to be fit and healthy.

The volcano is covered in mist today, but I hope I can reach the crater and look out for Godzilla.

It’s funny how as you get older you start to realise you don’t really know anything about the world or even about yourself. I was so sure I knew what I believed in when I was younger, yet now I question every opinion I have. I also come to the realisation that I won’t be able to fit in everything I do during my time here. 

One great time thing about getting older is I’ve started to care less about what people think and just to live as I choose. I have a strong belief that if what you do doesn’t hurt or negatively affect anyone else, you’re free to live as you like. I’ve become more selective with my time, and not worry about the small stuff. Time is the most important thing I have, more valuable than materials or money, and I don’t want to waste it. 

Just like new year, birthdays are a good time for reflection and to realign my goals and figure out what I want to do. So worried about change, and so nervous to try anything new, I’ve slowly loosened those chains that prevented me from the doing the things I wanted. Now I want to focus on my work, continue to achieve my goals, and hope to become a more well-rounded person.

I’ve started to just stay on the train until everybody has found pushed their way onto the platform, because I can’t stand becoming part of that crowd.

There’s an interesting word in Japanese that means a corporate slave, which also uses the word for cattle. I don’t know when the idea that work had to be super serious and tiring came about, but nobody seems happy or excited to go. Of course it’s difficult to be excited when your face is pushed up against the window of the train, but everyone looks so unhappy. Even after working at a Japanese company, I’ve noticed how miserable people are. This isn’t just a case in Japan but in many countries as well, but it’s so sad that the activity that takes up most of our time is something we don’t like. Some people have found their calling and they love going to work, but the majority seem miserable.

There’s a lot to be said on the subject, but just a recent observation about how different 30 minutes can make.

I bought a white one, which represents love and harmony.

Next to the Shrine, there is a park where you can see the plum blossoms in bloom at this time of year. I’ve always admired the plum blossoms more than the cherry blossoms since they bloom in winter. I feel like they are tougher because they bloom in adversity, yet not many people admire them as much as the cherry blossoms.

I’ve never been to Fukushima before, and I must admit I had a certain stigma about the prefecture. However with a few sudden days off, I thought I should go somewhere I’ve never been to before. I enjoyed my hot spring trip last time, so I wanted to do something similar. I researched a few places and realised that Fukushima wasn’t too far away and it had some amazing hot springs. I quickly glanced at a few, and after finding a place that overlooks the mountains and a lake, I booked my bus and hotel.

I didn’t really have any idea about what it would be like but was excited to escape the city for a little while. The bus was a little longer than last time but I’m used to travelling uncomfortably. I finally arrived at Fukushima station where it would be a train ride and another bus ride to the hotel. During winter, most people in Tokyo wear masks to avoid catching colds on the train, but hardly anybody was when I arrived. I couldn’t tell any distinct dialect, unlike Osaka where it’s a huge difference. People seemed friendly, but just like in Tokyo people keep to themselves.

As I waited for the bus, nobody else was at the bus stop so I was a bit unsure this was the right place. When the bus came, there was only me and a local school boy, who got off the bus halfway. So it was just me going up through these mountainous, snow-covered roads. Only just a couple of hours before I was dodging my way through Tokyo. Now there wasn’t a soul about. I love the remoteness you feel in these places. It’s an eerie kind of isolation.

The hotel was nice, and it looked out over the mountains and lake. It was nightfall so I couldn’t make anything out, but looked forward to the view in the morning. Even though I came for the hot springs, it’s more an excuse to break from the routine and just sit and read and do nothing. I wandered about and enjoyed the silence. Again there was only one or two people in the hot springs.

I had some time before my bus back to Tokyo so I wandered around Fukushima and visited a temple for the Buddhist goddess Kannon. After killing time in the station, I started to make my way to the pick-up stop to find I had missed my bus! I thought it was coming at 15:30 but it was scheduled for 15:10... I’m quite scatterbrained and haphazard in most situations, but I get anxiety about travelling in case I miss my flight or train so I was shocked I hadn’t realised and double checked the time! I had to fork out for a bullet train ticket back to Tokyo. It was super quick and much easier than the bus but I hate wasting money like that. It’s a good lesson to make sure I double check everything now in future!

There are so many proverbs and sayings about how beauty is only skin deep and beauty is in the eye of the beholder etc. These sayings are supposed to be lessons to teach us about life. I suppose it’s really how you interpret them and besides many are contradictory of themselves. 

For a long time I wanted to believe that looks and beauty really aren’t that important, and it’s more about what’s underneath that counts. In many ways I still believe that because in order for any relationship to last, you have to feel more than attraction for someone. You want to share opinions and experiences, debate ideas, learn from another person. At the same time, a big difference between a romantic relationship and a friendship comes down to attraction, both physically and sexually.

For the very lucky of us, we have eyes to experience the world visually. Of course we experience things aurally and through the sense of smell and taste, but to visit some of the great wonders of the world, we want to experience them visually. When we look at people, whatever gender, we can appreciate their physical beauty. The way they present themselves is very important for first impressions. It’s the initial impression that determines whether that person will be hired for a job, whether that person is someone we could potentially date, whether that person is someone that fits. We are all judgemental, even if we claim not to be.

I believe there is someone for everyone, and everybody has their own tastes. Sometimes you might find yourself in an unreciprocated love where someone is your type but you are not theirs. I think it’s important to be true to yourself, dress and look the way you want to look, and that in turn will attract the right people, the people that fit. I also think it’s important to take care of yourself, whether that is for someone else or for yourself. To exercise, eat well, maintain personal hygiene. Even though trying to look good for someone else, ultimately it’s something you are doing for yourself. To try to be the best version of yourself.

He once told me that about 20 years ago a ufo came to this part of Japan and they stayed for a short while. He said he thinks he was abducted and he doesn’t know what happened for a couple of hours that day. 

As I walked passed again today, he told me the story again. He said that the human race is doomed because we don’t care about anything anymore. He said that the aliens came, looked at our disgrace of a planet, and then left. They are not interested in our planet anymore.

The way he talks about it makes me think he really believes it happens. He’s not some drunk talking nonsense, he’s very sincere.

I started thinking about the people we meet daily and how they impact our lives. I try to be as open and welcoming as possible, so I can meet as many people as I can. I like listening to people’s stories and hearing their opinions and life lessons. We can learn a lot if we just stop and listen. 

At the gym, I have made some friends because I always try to say hello to people who I see regularly or who joins the same classes as me. It’s almost a sense of community. At work, regular customers who I greet and ask about their lives. I remember my dad used to know everyone in our small town. He would always be stopped by someone whenever we went out. He owned a small business and because he gave good service people became regulars and everybody seemed to know his name. I guess because I’m not Japanese that living in Japan people have a natural curiosity to talk to someone different. I doubt I would have the same experiences in England. But the important thing I think is to be open to talking to people and listen to what they have to say. I was such a shy introverted child and teenager that I’m glad I’ve become a little more outgoing.