朝は四時半起き、

日の出を見たくって　これで四日目くらい・・?

今日が一番きれいだったかな?

水色赤ピンク、黄色とか

でも太陽さんはしゃしゃりでてこなかったなぁ

明日もトライ

そのあとは病院に

初MRI!　ちょっと緊張しちゃった(笑)

でも最近は調子がいいんだよね

試験前とかいやだったけど、腰も

たぶん

ぜんっぜん完璧な腰ですよ　だよな～

それからSDS

ちょっとみんなにあってなかったけど、

ひとりひとりやさしくしてもらえて

あーあ、この人見知り、空にでもとんでいかないかな～

そのあとダーウィンの悪魔をみる

うーん、考えなきゃ

あなたに出会ったのも奇跡

いい言葉がたくさんあるんだなー

うまく言えないけど

毎日毎日が奇跡で、

毎日毎日正しく生きるって大変だなって

別に悲しくないはずなんだけど

なんなんだろーなぁ

幸せなんだろうな

だめだぁつ

(^^ゞってきちゃった

この人見知りの性格は結構めんどいし、

頭でわかってるのに心はついてかないっていうか.....

ここに来るといつも愚痴ってるような(ﾉДT)

タイムしたい

今日はご飯作りました

テストがだいたい先が見えてきたから(笑)

今週末、退院してきます

やったね

いろいろ見えてきて一つ自分で気づいたのは

意外と人がさみしく思うこともあるってことかも

高校までは結構いざというときは一人でも平気って思ってたんだけど

今日八時間も寝れた( ´艸｀)

ぜいたく贅沢

ホップステップジャンプしたい気分になった

で気づいたのが

結構冷静なんだけど、最近は意外とやられてたかも

うーん

大人になりたい

焦ってるんだよね

このごろ思うこと!!

近い人なほど本当に思っていることを言うのは

むずかしい

以上

thank you

tom is the surgery day

at last it came

hello tom

but ur so soon

i guess i can work things out

i guess things wil work things out

i fought with my dad again

he didn't support the idea that i go tom

he was ok with the idea that i go and say good luc and so on to my mom

but thought that the waiting hours during the surgery wasn't so effective.

i cried and screamed like hell

i didnt knw if i could do that

i think that i was scary

anyway im going and he is now fine with it

im tired becz my eyes are somewhat swollen

im tired becz i tensed myself alot

things will work out fine

things will work out fine

things will work out fine

im not scared

im not nervous

im fine ,,calm, steady

just getting tired just a bit

tom is the big day

tom, i give a happy sigh

at the end of the day

so happy

n today during the lunch break, Sayaka, Nobumi, Seisuke, Dama, Ami threw me and Yumi a birthday? party

Nobuko was handling the cake

n we all thougt that the cake would b a round one, but

wat she bought was cubic cakes

i had three

n then they gave us presents

Nobumi; eye pillow, mirror, 入浴剤 the eye pillow is going to be cherished

Seisuke; a stress release keyholder i know that i would use a lot

Saya; Lush soaps that lets out really good smell

Ami; CD of BGM for My blueberry nights that willmake my 'night time' perfect

Yumi; 苗 for a little plant which would let me touch the fresh green and a 置物　of donkey which is real cute

thank you everyone

the library is what was once a school

and now books are lined up by signs of colorful stack?

im not sure if this is making sense at all(´∀｀)

i guess i like quiet places

i guess it makes me calm

im looking for someplaces where i can do anything

where i don't have to care about anything

i guess thats what im trying to do when im at circle

doing it but not thinking about whether im doing it correctly

but just doing it

there you are my pessimistic side, your bac again

but acutally i am not down and

acutally i am fine

i guess id like to play little, go to karaoki or somerthing

but thatll have to wait untill things calm down

well, looks like rain has really stoppedfor this time

im going to the library agian

ゆっくり、

でも全力で

がんばる( ´艸｀)

だって

ね～～

i may have overcome

i may have remembered the spirit of poziko

yea

hang on chibariyo^ gannbaru jiayou

these are the words that is going to be cool in me

i bought vege dining this evening

i just look at it

the moment i saw the book i knw

i fell in luv w/ it

haha

goodnight

無理でも復活します!!

でも

そばで辛いって体が痛いって言ってる人を

どうすればcheer her up　できるのかな

なんていえばいいんだろう

うーん

うーん

うーん

(笑)

答えがでないや

urgh......!!

there are soo many things i want to rite

but everytime i come here, its like.... i dont know

my thoughts just escape from me

no one ever told me that funerals are supposed to be that sad,

no one ever hinted me that they are that lonely

last night i tried to write down the memories, or contacts i had with my granddad

i didn't know that i had that much

i didn't know that i had that little

i still remember the grip of his hand the very last time we met him

the picture on the podium wasn't his

he didn't smile like that

he didn't make his eyes thin

not the granddad i know

grandmom looked ever so weary,

god!!

y now?

its not like i was the happiest girl on earth

its not like i deserved sometthing more unhappy

i was already running in circles

and i was already nearly drowning

and there were already somethings i couldn't i just couldn't register in my head

and things were piling onto me

i don't want school to start again

cuz i don't know how i can talk to my friends as if nothing happened

i need some time alone!
i need some time to forget

if i can't change the things and the fate ( meaning the things that are just out ofmy hands)

if i can'T do that ,

i just want to forget