松山ユチのブログ

我慢できない

Mon, 17 Feb 2014 20:34:03 +0900

And so I thought only yesterday was a really bad day.

Guess what happened.

I couldnt sleep untill almost 12+am thought i went to bed at 11?
tossing around and turning.
my head are filled with thoughts like what if I order the wrong medication what if that medication expired..what if..what if..

And so again I jolt out of bed from fear of doin the wrong things at work.

Got up and went for a run and reached work earlier today.

partner was on leave, i forgotten.
there was almost close to 90 patients today.

And i think most of it i handled even though there was someone there to help.
she wasnt of much help because she is not a part timer and therefore not familiar with most of the things.

Doctor was being demanding as well, keep throwing things for me to do and expect service excellence at the same time.

And i broke down and cried.
about 2 times.

Im tired.

I talked to a few people, zakie and sam. and thanks vio and a few for the advise.

i hope to things will be better but I've not made my decision.

What is the problem? The job? or the workload?
The workload, but I dont think they will be willing to hire given how stingy they are.

My partner? Not helpful even after communicating, because selfish and well, each to their own.

Feedback? Tried once, apparently not useful.

Going to try again this thursday. If it fails, then Im really going to go.

I am weighing the consequences because well dad is out of job now and sis is still schooling, im not sure whats the period I have to serve before I go or what not because I dont have the contract with me (im not given a copy, how ridiculous is this?!)

And yes, worried about compensation for the course i was forced to take and also if i quit i have to pay the money??

idk my mind is full of negative thoughts and I was talking to eden and he scolded me really hard.

He ask me to choose. Mental Health or Money?

What would U chose?

普通

Sun, 16 Feb 2014 23:31:16 +0900

janai.

Today is a fucking bad day.

Got up late for the last lesson and this stupid lecturer is still picking on me (since day 1) despite today being the last day.

I got really mad after she want to talk to me to confront about smth? I used sarcasm and well she cant retaliate back (cause im stating the truth and she is just twisting facts and putting words into my mouth anyway) so she asked me to go home.

good then, never want to come to class, never wanted to go to this course anyway. and im sick and u assume im going around passing virus to people. Well fuck you now i wish i pass the virus to you.

And so I got home and watched kill la kill and cried.
Am I the only person who watched epi 18 and cried?

Im amazed by the plotline and really I havent watch such amazing stuff for the longest time. Im a person who goes for plot and animation and OP AND ED and everything but I watch stuff with unusual plot that catchs my eye more often than those mainstream animes (never watch one piece/naruto/bleach in my life and wont be watching)

All my life i've been watching shows that people dont ususally watch just well cause they are not mainstream and for some reasons people just dont like stuff I watch and I tend to not have people to fag with most of the time.

Kill la kill made me cried. Its amazing how the author puts and plan the whole plot into this whole great picture that my brain is unable to predict.

usually when i watch shows i dont have much expression well cause
1. im quite expressionless to begin with
2. my brain already predicted the plot about 30secs ago so im just waiting to watch to materilise the prediction (which is 70% accurate most of the time)

And that being said, even if this offends people or what not im going to say this. Shit like kuroko no basuke/uta prince/love live/ othe fan service anime are really SHIT.

NO idea what people are watching it for honestly. Its just plain stupid. I get the hype for Shingeki no Kyojin because Im interested by the plot too but well the fandom is getting out of hand and thus i stopped.

And then Im sick, the sun is scorching hot so I cannot run and for some stupid reasons i have this unknown fear of going to the gym alone. My back is torturing me as well and I went to sleep.

hus i forgotten to tell my bf that I wont be having dinner with him and he is eating dinner alone.

he got unhappy and I got really mad and upset at myself.

Why can i be normal and watch and fag normal mainstream shows like other people? why must i constantly see things that are not normal to satisfy this unknown craving in my brain??

why cant my life be normal? i get a normal admin job with decent pay so that I can have time for myself and family. Why am i getting such shit jobs just cause i dont liek wearing formal?

Why can i be positive and optimistic about life so when i talk to people they will like to talk to me and I wont have to deal with myself being down and mad all the fucking time??

why can i be a good person with good attitude so that i get more friends or I can generally be a better person??

why am i constantly wanting to acheive so much things that im over stressing myself and my body too but i still want to do it??

im tired. I should go to sleep. goodnight.

不思議

Wed, 05 Feb 2014 21:53:01 +0900

不思議こころ。心ふしき。

you said if I'm not feeling well I shouldn't force myself to work.
so I did.
everything you said is right, I'm always at wrong.
my ideas are different from you, I'm wrong, my IQ is low until the point you cannot comprehend.

did not go to work today. because I'm feeling restless, weak. But people think that I'm just trying to skip work for the sake of skipping.

I couldn't sleep last night. but I cannot rest at home even if I got the mc, because I will get told off.

I can't go to your place either, because you don't like it that I've disturb your off day where u are supposed to be doing your own things. and if I'm there I'm disturbing ur alone time.

you said if there's anything, call u.
I call you, you don't feel like talking, you didn't tell me. I kept blabbering but it felt like I was talking to the wall.

and u said I should leave everything to talking on the phone instead of spamming text and ranting via text.

then I said I didn't like it, it then become because the public transport is noisy, can't hear well, cannot chat on phone.

you didn't like my comments, everything naturally becomes my fault then. eating beancurd is a stupid idea for a meal when you are the one who suggested it. it then become me being stupid as to how can beancurd be a meal.

how is fatboy unhealthy and fatterning compared to dough stick and soybean milk. but you know it's a fact that fatboy is fatterning and unhealthy. (wtf are u trying to say here?!)

then to a point it's not abou compromising where to eat, who wants to eat what. but because u have to chose.

but u also said before if u have chosen a place to eat and settle for there then don't suggest other places. But then now u did, my mere comment stating a fact has now become my fault.

my wrong that u have to eat beancurd for a meal. pay full price for half a meal, that it is dumb for u because u will get hungry later and that because u burnt fat fast.

everything is just my fault. I don't even understand. but I have to understand. because I'm the one that intrude yr personal off day today. that I've interrupted yr supposed reccee session.

and u said before that u are willing to see me everyday, if I want to, but now this.

yeah, just me right? I'm hard I understand. I should just work to my death and die, I should complaint about anything either. well, just because, it'll all be my fault either way.

iPhoneからの投稿

開始

Tue, 04 Feb 2014 22:17:56 +0900

Now Listening: A Thousand Years.

Different genre from what I usually listen to, but I am liking it now. Guess it's good to have a change once in awhile.

Actually I am listning to songs of such similar genre that's playing on Ying's Photography's blog

A Malaysian Photographer who is currently studying in Singapore.

I came across her page because someone on my Facebook shared something she wrote: https://www.facebook.com/notes/gan-kah-ying/the-goodbye-letter-from-my-boyfriend-before-he-was-sent-into-icu/10152144874282010

Hmm... Feelings, but I dont know how to explain.
I just feel at ease now.

Or maybe it's because I havent been blogging. Lets see, for- Wow. More than a year. No wait, actually since September 2012. That 2013 was well, prolly when I was bored back then.

I've been away from social media and all sorts of communication off my phone for the whole of this morning and afternoon because my service provider is down.

Well I cant say it's a bad thing. Im not cursing and swearing at them, I've did plenty of work since I can't do much as my phone is down during my leisure time(during work)

Life's been fine I guess? Well for now at least, or today.

I went for a run, end up clocking a new timing for 4km. Initially I was still feeling rather lazy to run because of the sun in the early afternoon around 3+, but the weather gotten really good and I went ahead. Since I'm feeling rather fat from all the eating. And 7 days of not running.

Speaking of which, I lost my vision (I dont know how you call it) again when I went for a run in the morning 2 days ago.

Suspecting it might be low blood because my menses wasnt completely over but I thought im fine enough to last a run, well apparently not.

Before I went out of the house I thought I should bring along my phone so that i can clock in my timing in the app but I wanted to fully charge my phone instead. This feeling came again when I was halfway running across the overhead bridge.

And after 18+ minutes of running I feel strangely tired. I thought it's just me, since i havent ran for 7 days after all. Stamina dropped? So I continued with lifting and after walking back home for 3 mins there comes.

I suddenly lost sight. Everything turned black, occasionally I can still see but faintly. My chest feels tight and all. I manage to cross the overhead bridge and even got down a flight of stairs (lol im actually quite proud of this :x)

But eventually I really cant do it and got a stranger to help me to the voiddeck. (Sorry stranger! Much thanks to your help! Sorry I interrupted you walking your dogs! - i saw, faintly her border colin)

And yes I managed to get back home after that. Meh, should have trusted my 6th sense next time.

Been spending the past 3 days of holiday (Chinese new year) with Eden and his family visiting and also out to sight-see at The River Angbao.

So I guess, 2014 has been quite good to me so far?

I'll be removing the links and chat box session for this blog (well if i figured out how to)

Hope I'll be back to this space again. Quite therapeutic to pen down things rather than tweeting like I normally do. Though no one reads them on both platform haha.

I hope everyone have a good year ahead! (lol whoever who reads this or even knows)

ciao!

思える

Thu, 10 Jan 2013 18:49:16 +0900

Starting from today, I'm going to pen down on positive and happy thing that happened to me.

This is to remind me I be grateful of things and not harp on the bad things.

4th January - tummy got smaller, 57kg, ate triple o's and brought pino

8th January - ate 大路虾面 finally after months <3

9th january - HIMYM Marathon

10 January - my kids rmb and misses me <333

(°∀°)b

iPhoneからの投稿

新年お目でとございます！

Sun, 06 Jan 2013 18:07:12 +0900

So...How long has it been since Im back here?

Well my life's pretty messed up right now and all the negativity is eating into me.
God damn this I need to get back on track urgh.

Anyhow, HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE!
WHADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

(This is a really late shoutout but who care lol no one comes here anyway)

So....2013, what have you guys been up to?
(Okay this is getting really weird, guess im not accustomed to blogging anymore huh)

2012...A year of ups and down.
I've got a job, got out of a job

Feeling fucked up, dejected, mostly cynical.

But I've met great friends (my beepbeeps) and would love to continue this friendship till the end.

Met and got to know new people as well, pretty and nice people, and of course the usual fucked up ones.

Learnt how to deal with things and all.

And oh I've lose 13 Kilograms and still counting.
[Prolly the only thing Im proud of for the entire year =__= ]

And hope not gonna have any New Year Resolutions cause I never kept them and will prolly forget anyway. LOL

6 days into a brand new year and not feeling so great
guess it's not a really good start huh

Gonna remind myself to be like Dory
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming"

I'll get to see the light of out this someday, right?

So i've spend the day watching Zero Crows and HIMYM

Gotta say I really love bad boys, can't shake it off somehow and I dont know why. Prolly because of Shun
SHUN OH SHUNNNNNN

Ohhhhhkay oh well I definitely feel much better after pen-ing down some thoughts.

May the year and days get better for both me and you~!

助けてください

Sun, 16 Sep 2012 13:54:31 +0900

Yeah. It's always me. Im tired of feeling like this. But yet no one can help me but myself. No one understand. I dont understand why im like this either.

I find ways and means for pushing all the blames for how I am like now. Even though it's not right. But i still do it. It's an endless cycle. Who can help me?

我容易吃醋，没有安全感。
没有恒心和意志力。

二十年，我厌倦了这样的生活
没有能力掌握自己的生活

悲观：我被困在这个没有尽头的旋转路。

我已经很努力的尝试了
可是我却不能完全摆脱。

为什么？

想要独占和霸有不是我想要的
是我天生具有的个性
妒嫉，嫉妒，吃醋也是我不想的。

我只想做一个更好的人，女儿，姐姐，女友，朋友
为什么就那么难？

我对减肥的坚持，耐性，和努力去了哪里了？

完美主义者和悲观，让我的人生一塌糊涂，乱七八糟。

------------------------------------------

以下是我对自己的承诺：

- 少说多做。
- 不要再想 “可是这个。。。可是那个” 只要确定好目标，就去做。
- 如果想要某样东西，就要踏出第一步去做。
- 摆脱悲观的想法

お船

Mon, 16 Jul 2012 19:13:19 +0900

Have not been updating my blog much nowadays. As usual, reason below:

1) Lazy
2) lazy

lol I update on my twitter frequently also any readers out that ( which I doubt I have many or even few ) that wants to can follow me @yuchibunny

I created an instagram account recently as well so feel free to follow if u wish

took this a few minutes ago when I came home from work. I'm currently lying down on my bed waiting for my sister to be back so I can eat dinner

Almost lost this precious thing a few weeks back. panicked and cried but I'm so glad that I found him back on the road and he wasn't picked up by anyone or crushed by the car

loots yesterday. From Chinatown. met up with jamie and the rest I get my taobao stuff. forgotten to take picture of it but I'm happy with my loots

Need to stop surfing taobao and shopping. My house and wardrobe is running out of space orz

and still loving this amazing man not less a bit.

Till then.
iPhoneからの投稿

Phone app test

Tue, 26 Jun 2012 18:14:33 +0900

made this ytd for Hiroshima yearly lantern event

been busy with work and stuff
lol okay I'm just lazy to blog -_-b

and I just got an iPhone recently
yes no choice.
initially wanted an blackberry but the data bundle thing was so not worth it ヽ(´o｀；

so after much persuasion from my sister I finally got the iPhone because te rest of the phone models and brands are not to my liking

made this as well, in 5 min lol cause I didn't want to waste the materials

and the bunch of phone covers for my precious dear E72 that I can't bear to let go. gonna throw all these covers away because I can't use them anymore.

waiting for the last kid to go home so I can go home~~

iPhoneからの投稿

麗～

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 22:12:13 +0900

Random title again LOL
Been awhile since I blogged
Busy with work and stuff (as usual)

What my kids done
Pr more like they did part of it
Me and my colleague did more of the putting together and main deco part

Not very proud of this as my work but kid's work so /okay

Eden and i went to U.D.D.E.R.S again on Friday
And we vandalize again 8D

I drew the KRC words, head drew by him, so unlike the original
He erase the outer lining I initially drew for fourze head =__=

and him supporting sticker girl

Part of my loots from taobao
I lugged back a huge bag from yakuku
But the picture consist of only my share

Not in picture: Eden and my sister's share
Total damage this round, SGD140++

And yes my happiest loot is my lama keychain
I took the cream co loured one and Eden took the purple gay one

Went to ACM with dear on Saturday
Before that he came fetch me to have mac breakfast
Shared a Big Breakfast set cause Im cutting down on food~

And I brought this pencil from Funan Mall
Yes it's hello kitty I know
Yes I dont like hello kitty I know
But this is my first mechanical pencil that was given to me when I was a kid so it holds pretty much memories
The real one went missing, and the top portion broke off long ago

I had a hard time deciding between the pink and the white one

It got less boring after daikon and gang arrived
We walked to Liang Court and had dinner at seizeriya

lol 2x fail group shot because eden hand too short hahah

Went to the new Uniglo store at Bugis+ (Previously known as Iluma)
Pretty crowded as they were having storewide discount on alot of items
Brought 2 tops for myself and my sister
And another 2 Metal Gear Solid top for Dear

Im a very nice girlfriend okay
>> okay irrelevant emoji but I just found it cute. papa and mama haha

Anyway I brought the top at the most left of the picture, just grey in colour and another black top

Pretty lazy to blog so I'll end of a picture of my aplacas, I name them lala and mama LOL

松山 ユチのブログ

我慢できない

普通

不思議

開始

思える

新年お目でとございます！

助けてください

お船

Phone app test

麗～

松山ユチのブログ